"Did you hear that?" Little Joe stopped working on the broken fence line, eyes nervously scanning the bright summer sky.

"What?" Hoss said. "I didn't hear nothin'"

Ever so slowly, Joe looked around, taking in every part of his surroundings. "I don't hear it now, but it sounded like..."

"Like what?" Adam demanded.

"Wings," the youngest Cartwright whispered. "Big black flapping wings."

Hoss laughed. "Aw, come on little brother. How could you tell what color they was just by the sound? Besides, what's so scary about the sound of birds flapping?"

He stopped laughing as he noticed that Adam, too, had gone motionless except for the nervous flicking of his hazel eyes "I hear it too," he whispered hoarsely. "Wings. Hundreds of them, Hoss! Vulture wings!"

"Vultures!" Hoss shouted. The other two instantly sprang forward to clap their hands over his mouth, shushing him violently. "Are them pesky critter buggin' you two again? I thought they done cleared out to Four Corners to bug them seven lawmen over that way."

"Only a couple of them went," Adam told him. "Most of them are still after Cartwright blood!"

"Well, what about Hop Sing?" Hoss wondered. "Didn't somebody clear a bunch of them off by publishing that story about Hop Sing's love life."

"That's what we thought too," Joe mourned. "But then Hop Sing starting rubbing it in Pa's face that he'd got a romance and Pa hadn't. Pa got jealous and starting writing love letters to one of the gals that takes care of the vultures, and now they're all riled up again."

"The way I hear it, the other keepers are being kept busy night and day feeding those creatures," Adam confided in a mournful tone. "That's why so many odd things keep happening around here lately, Hoss. No matter how many feedings they receive, the vultures are never satisfied. There's no escape!"

Suddenly, the ominous sound of flapping got louder, followed by the relentless calls of voices crying, "More stories!" "Give us the Password!" "Write faster!" "I want Adam to get hurt this time!" "Why isn't Joe taking his clothes off more?" "I want another mushy Pa and Joe moment!" and a mad rage of other voices, all talking over one another. The frightening part was, the voices seemed to come from nowhere.

"Ain't you scared, Hoss? Even a little?" Joe whispered, as he ducked behind his large sibling in search of cover from the eyes he could virtually feel undressing him as he stood there. He glanced over at the shirt he had tossed aside so carelessly earlier in the day, wishing he could slip it on as a trickle of nervous sweat ran down his bare spine.

"Nah, I'll be fine. I always am," Hoss replied, rather glumly. How come none of them vultures ever wanted to rip his clothes off, he wondered grumpily. After all, just 'cause he was a nice guy didn't mean he wanted to get left out of all the fun! On the other hand, he mused, watching his nervous looking siblings; nobody shot at him near as often as they did the other two either. Maybe the trade-off was worth it. "Hey, something's happening!"

The air was suddenly charged with static electricity, making every hair on the young men's heads and bodies prickle and raise. "Oh, no! It's starting!" Joe shouted. Then, the world went mad.

"Why you mangy varmint!" An enraged cowboy yelled as he appeared from nowhere. Without another word, he leapt forward and punched Hoss in the face, then pulled his gun and took a wild shot at Adam. Seeing his intentions, Adam yelped and ducked out of the way, accidentally throwing Joe into the line of fire. Joe quickly turned his back and felt a bullet sink painfully into his shoulder.

"How bad am I hit?" Joe gasped. His brother struggled to get him out of the green jacket that had just appeared, covering him scant seconds before the bullet had hit. He was still shirtless beneath the garment, and Adam breathed a sigh of relief.

"Looks like the jacket intercepted the bullet. See? There's not a mark on you! Just a little red paint on your jacket."

"I still feel it, though," Joe said, swooning attractively as sweat began to bead his face. "I want Pa."

Suddenly, Pa was there; stroking back his hair and telling him everything would be fine. "We'll get the men that did this, son," he vowed.

"It weren't men, Pa, it was just a man," Hoss offered. "A backshooter!"

"Where did he come from?" Ben demanded.

"The vultures conjured him up," Adam said quietly. He looked over his father's shoulder and gasped. "He's still there! Look out!"

The gunman took another shot and Ben cried out in pain. "Damn it! This is the third time I've been back-shot this year! Doesn't anyone know how to face a man anymore?" He passed out.

Joe jumped up from his prone position on the ground. "You killed my pa!" Outraged, Joe pulled out his gun and shot the man dead. The gunman instantly disappeared and in his place stood three beautiful saloon girls. They ran to comfort the boys as they stood weeping over their dead father.

It was a very touching scene, until one of them stepped on the dead man's hand with a spike heeled shoe and he cried out, "Ouch! Get off me, you floozy! I don't allow my son's to associate with women of your kind."

"Pa, you're alive!" the boys chorused, helping him to his feet.

Adam checked his father's wound. "Well, I'll be. He's fine! Miss, how can I thank you for saving my father's life?" He turned to the saloon girl who had trod on his father and swung her down low to plant a long romantic kiss on her lips. The other girls swooned with cries of ecstasy and passed out, leaving Adam's brother's glaring at him.

"Good goin', Adam," Hoss grouched. "Now, who am I supposed to kiss?"

With a wicked giggle, Little Joe reached up and planted a big wet one right on Hoss' cheek, then took off as his brother screamed out his name and fell into pursuit. They chased each other around the fence posts a few times, then were stopped by Adam. He stood alone, arms crossed and a superior smirk on his face. "Why don't you two grow up? It's not wonder you're always in trouble that you can't get out of, acting the way you do."

"Look who's talking!" Joe replied. "I'm not the one who managed to lose 3 beautiful women and Pa in the space of time it took for Hoss to chase me around the fence."

Surprised, Adam looked around, only then realizing his brother spoke the truth. "Shoot, just as I was getting ready to read a few excerpts from my new book of Tennyson poems!"

"Well, that explains where everyone went," Joe remarked to Hoss, who nodded sagely.

"For your information, Pa went back to his book work. You know that's where he always is when the vultures show up," Adam said.

Hoss looked up at the sky. "Say, are they gone? Them vultures never give up this easy, but I don't hear nothin'. Maybe something happened to them."

Joe dropped to his knees, closing his eyes and raising his clasped hands to the sky as he began fervently chanting. "Writer's block, writer's block, writer's block, writer's block..."

Cautiously, Adam said, "I think we may be in luck, brothers. Maybe they've gone home early." He reached down to get his shirt from where he had left it, then stopped, noticing that he his curly black chest hair was suddenly glistening with drops of sweat, even though he did not feel hot in the least. "Uh, oh..."

The world lurched violently around them, and the Cartwrights clutched at each other for balance as the range around them disappeared. Hoss gasped as the ground vanished beneath his feet and he found himself dropping into water. He came up plunging and coughing, then laughed as he got a look at his brothers, standing together on the bank of the river he was now swimming in. "I think you fellas better get in here before them vultures get a good look at you."

Adam and Joe looked at each other in confusion, then gasped as their eyes swept downward and realized they were both naked as the day they were born. They leaped hurriedly into the water, looking belligerently up at the sky as their faces turned bright red. Joe's eyes sparked angrily and he shouted, "This has gone just about far enough! What'd you do with our clothes and horses?"

The only answer they heard was the sounds of excited whispering, gasping, giggling and wings flapping.