Part Two

“No, MaryAnn, I’m not taking you.”  Seventeen-year-old Adam Cartwright was starting to get angry.

“Who asked you to take me?  I only asked if you would go with me.  There’s a difference, you know.”  MaryAnn was getting a little hot under the collar herself.

“Will you get it through your head that I’m neither taking you nor am I going with you to Goldie’s just so you can see what it’s like inside of a whorehouse.”  Adam jumped off his horse and grabbed the bridle of MaryAnn’s horse.  “Why are you so curious about everything?  I can understand why boys would be curious about a whorehouse but that’s no place for a girl.”

MaryAnn also jumped off of her horse and whirled to face Adam.  “May I remind you, Adam Stoddard Cartwright, that girls who work at Goldie’s are precisely the reason why boys want to go there.  Besides, I already told you that I won’t be going as a girl.  I’ll disguise myself as a boy and…and nobody will know the difference.”

Adam snorted in derision.

“It will work, Adam.  I’ll pull my hair up tightly into a cap, I’ll dress in baggy men’s clothes, and I’ll put on an old pair of boots or something.  And I’ll dirty up my face a little for good measure.  And I’m tall enough to pass, too.”

“It’s not going to work and you still haven’t explained to me why you want to go in there.  Good Lord, MaryAnn, you’re only 16 years old.”  Adam was practically shouting.

“Well, first of all, I don’t have to explain anything to you, Adam.  You’re only one year older than I am so will you please stop acting like my father and start acting like my friend?”

When Adam took a menacing step toward her, MaryAnn involuntarily took a step backward. “All right, all right.  Back off a little and…and I’ll try to explain this.”

“Uh…I’m not really sure if I can explain this but I’ll try.  Well, you see, Adam, working in a whorehouse is something that some people of my gender…uh…women…sometimes do.  I assume it is mostly because of economic reasons but, for whatever reason, some women choose to do this.  It is beyond my understanding how anyone could live this way but I’m a woman too so I’m…so I’m curious.”  She searched Adam’s eyes for any sign of understanding, but found none.  Then, remembering the rational manner in which Adam’s mind usually functioned, she quickly added, “Think of it as…as anthropology.”

Adam pinched the bridge of his nose in exasperation.  “I am not convinced.  And, by the way, you are not a woman.  You’re a girl!”

“Adam!  What is the harm?  Nobody is going to get hurt!  Besides, if I don’t do this when I’m young and still have a sense of adventure about me when, pray tell, will I ever get to see the inside of a whorehouse?”

“Well, you’re NOT going and that’s all there is to it.”  Adam’s hazel-brown eyes bored into MaryAnn’s and his tone of voice was not unlike the one he used to command obedience from either of his two younger brothers.  MaryAnn felt her own temper beginning to rise again.

“Adam, I wasn’t asking for your permission.  I only asked if you wanted to come along.  I would feel better if you came with me but, if you don’t want to, fine.  I’ll do it by myself.”

“Good Lord, MaryAnn, except for my Pa and possibly my youngest brother, you are without a doubt the most stubborn person I know.”  Adam never really understood why people often said the same thing about him.

Adam briefly wondered if shaking some sense into MaryAnn would do any good but decided it wasn’t likely.  Besides, he did have a good appreciation for anyone with an investigative mind.  Of course, with MaryAnn, it was more than her mind that he was beginning to appreciate. 

Adam nailed her with a hard look.  “Okay, I will agree to think about it.  I’m not saying I will do it, I’m only saying that I will think about it.  Now, did you understand exactly what I just said?”

“Of course, Adam,” MaryAnn said sweetly, “but let’s do it this coming Saturday night.”  Before I lose my own nerve, she thought.

“MaryAnn, you never heard one word of what I just said, did you?”

Against his better judgment, Adam suddenly found himself thinking about this little adventure.   The concept did intrigue him and it was part of his nature to be up for a little challenge every now and then.

Adam looked intently into MaryAnn’s eyes.  “By the way, do you have any clue as to the kind of trouble you and I could be getting ourselves into if either of our fathers ever get wind of this?”

“Of course I do, Adam, but they aren’t going to find out about it.  All we have to do is be very…careful.”

“And, MaryAnn, we may not be able to pull this thing off at all.  Remember, we have to get past Goldie herself and I doubt if she will even let us through the door. It isn’t going to be easy to convince her that we are just a couple of run-of-the-mill cowpokes with a little money to spend and a little fun on our minds.”

“Well, I’ll agree that none of this may be easy but, Adam, isn’t that part of the fun?"

A warm smile suddenly lit up MaryAnn’s face.  “Thanks, Adam, I knew you would be a good sport about this.”

Although they were amongst the trees and highly unlikely to be seen by anyone, MaryAnn glanced around quickly before stretching up to give Adam a quick kiss on his cheek.

Instant mydriasis set in.  The black pupils of Adam’s hazel-brown eyes dilated to an enormous size and seemed to lock in that position.  The contours of his handsome face softened and he looked like he had been pole axed.  “Why is it you only hear what you want to hear?” he asked softly.  MaryAnn thought it best to consider this a rhetorical question so she didn’t offer a response as she slowly stepped to one side and mounted her horse.

Adam and MaryAnn had been conversing on the hill separating the Ponderosa and the Archer ranch.  There were fields on both sides of the hill and the boundary of the two properties was at the top of the gently rounded hill.  The exact boundary was a little ambiguous but MaryAnn’s father and Adam’s father had been friends and neighbors for years and neither ever felt the need to go to the courthouse to locate the records in order to mark the exact boundary.

Adam now mounted Sport and he and MaryAnn reluctantly went their separate ways.  MaryAnn rode down her side of the hill to her father’s ranch and Adam rode down his side of the hill to the Ponderosa.

Adam and MaryAnn had long ago worked out a way to convey to each other the need to parley.  At the top of the hill and at the far end of a huge stand of Ponderosa pines was an old stunted oak tree.  It had been hit by lightning sometime in its youth.  It was missing the whole top part of its structure and its middle and base were blackened with fire damage.

When Adam wanted to talk privately with MaryAnn, he would move a perfectly white, medium-sized rock to the east side of the tree.  If an occasion rose when MaryAnn needed to talk with Adam, she moved the white rock to the west side of the tree.  Both the east and west sides of the tree were equally visible to Adam and MaryAnn from quite a distance on their own properties.  When the rock wasn’t being used as a signal, it was placed in a neutral position slightly away from the tree.

Nobody in either Adam’s or MaryAnn’s family had ever noticed that the white rock near that old blackened tree stump occasionally got up and relocated itself.

After placing the rock on the east side, Adam would then move off into the thicker pines to wait for MaryAnn.  If MaryAnn didn’t appear soon, he would ride home and wait for her to “drop by” the Ponderosa.  MaryAnn would use the same method when she placed the rock on the west side as a signal to him.

Adam and MaryAnn had also long ago discovered a small crevice in the blackened tree trunk near the base of the tree.  They used that hidden crevice to store a small glass jar containing a pad of paper and the stub of a pencil so they could write notes to each other.  In their earlier years, it had all seemed so clandestine and daring.  Now, the note jar and the signal rock were just too practical to give up.

It had become Adam’s habit to glance up at the rock to check its position whenever he passed close enough for the signal rock to be visible to him.  He didn’t realize it but this habit would remain with him for all of his life.  Someday, far in his future, that signal rock would still be there to bring him joyful memories as well as almost unbearable loneliness.

As Adam now rode down the hill toward the Ponderosa, his thoughts went back over the day.  He had spotted the signal rock placed on the west side of the tree when he had been riding back from Virginia City after running a few errands and had veered off the road to parley with MaryAnn.   The corners of his mouth lifted into a grin as he revisited in his mind MaryAnn telling him that she wanted to visit a whorehouse.  Before they parted, they had agreed to meet again to make plans for their upcoming adventure.

I’m not quite sure how all of this came about or exactly when it was I agreed to do this, Adam thought as he rode towards home.

Adam and MaryAnn had spent too much time on the hill and Adam barely made it home in time for dinner.  He practically shoved the mail into Pa’s hands and rushed past Ben to go wash up.  Ben caught Adam’s arm in a playful manner and swung his son around to face him.

“Pa, I’ll do my chores after dinner.  Sorry I’m a little late.”

“Slow down, son.  You always seem to be rushing around these days.  Soon you will be going off to college and I won’t see you for four years.  Four years!  Do you realize that, son?  Good Lord, I’m going to miss you.  Slow down a little and let me enjoy you while I can.  I’ll even help you with your chores later myself.”

“Thanks, Pa.  I can’t believe I’m actually going to college.  I’ve thought about it for so long but I know I’m going to miss all of you a lot.”

A couple of worrisome thoughts crossed Adam’s mind.  Geez, Pa, if I do this thing with MaryAnn and you find out, I hope you don’t get so angry that you change your mind about letting me go to college.  I also hope you remember that I’m 17 years old and I’m too old for a trip to the barn.

During the week, Adam and MaryAnn had managed to meet to plan out their strategy for the following Saturday night.  The moon was fattening up a little more each night and Saturday night was to be a full moon so Adam and MaryAnn expected good visibility for their upcoming journey into the world of anthropology.

Adam planned to tell his Pa that he was going into Virginia City for a Saturday night out.  He did this fairly regularly and, as long as he didn’t abuse the privilege and got home at a reasonable hour, Ben didn’t usually object.  Adam didn’t want to tell a lie so he would have to remember to be vague regarding who he would be spending his time with in case Pa should ask.  And Pa always asked.

MaryAnn planned to sneak out of her bedroom window and would meet Adam at the signal rock.  MaryAnn had her own bedroom and didn’t have to share a bedroom with her older sister, Lizzie.   This was an arrangement for which MaryAnn was enormously grateful.  MaryAnn’s bedroom was on the second floor but it had a great climbing tree right next to her window and MaryAnn was very good at climbing trees.  She had already sneaked out of her window a few times in the past just for the thrill of seeing if she could get away with it.

MaryAnn wasn’t worried about Lizzie because Lizzie rarely had plans for a Saturday night and usually retired early. Talk about an unexamined life, MaryAnn thought briefly.  MaryAnn was, however, a bit concerned about her father because she had heard him mention meeting a friend of his in town on Saturday night to discuss a cattle deal that the two of them were contemplating.  She surely did not want to run into her Pa.

Saturday night came and everything went according to plan.  Adam and MaryAnn met at the top of the hill.  Adam still had doubts that either one of them would actually have the good fortune to make it through Goldie’s door.  He thought that they both looked far too young to be frequenting a place like that but, if they flashed a little money, perhaps their youth might be overlooked.

Adam chuckled when he first saw MaryAnn’s attire but swallowed the sound when she shot him a challenging look.

They coached each other on mannerisms.

MaryAnn reminded Adam not to be overly polite to her.  It would undermine her credibility as a man if he were to open doors for her, pull out chairs for her, or take her elbow to guide her as they walked.  Not that this was much of a habit with Adam anyway, MaryAnn thought ruefully.  She sometimes wondered if Adam still only saw her as a childhood buddy.

Adam reminded MaryAnn to speak in a gruff voice and to not sit in a prim and proper manner with her knees together.  They both laughed at that.  “Remember to walk like a man,” Adam cautioned her.

“What does that mean?”

“Well, you know.  Walk with your legs slightly apart and stomp a little,” Adam laughed.

“What do you mean, stomp?  You don’t stomp.”  MaryAnn looked confused.

“I don’t have to stomp.  Everybody knows I’m a man,” Adam said as he puffed out his chest.  “If you look like a man at all, MaryAnn, it’s a damned puny-looking one.  You’re going to have to stomp,” Adam said seriously.

“Actually, Adam, I’m glad I don’t look manly.  This isn’t something I thought of earlier, but I would really hate to have any of those women get too close to me.”  MaryAnn’s eyes were round.

Adam just stared at her in wonder.  “MaryAnn, we are going into a whorehouse.  That’s what the women who work in whorehouses are supposed to do.  Getting close to the men customers is their job.  We men are supposed to be the object of their affections, so to speak.”

“Well, fine, I’ll just stick close to you.”

Adam suddenly looked alarmed.  “Oh no you won’t!  Don’t you dare stay close to me. You’re dressed like a man.  I have a reputation to uphold in this town, you know.”

What does that mean? MaryAnn wondered.

“Adam, let’s just get this over with.”  MaryAnn didn’t want Adam to back out of their plan so she had no intention of letting him know that she was becoming very nervous.

“Well, all right, but just remember, MaryAnn, we are going to get in the door and maybe have a drink with some of the girls but we are NOT going to go up to the second floor.  Neither of us.  Under any circumstances.  Have I made myself perfectly clear?"

“Perfectly clear, Adam.  Sometimes you can be so bossy!  Okay, okay.  Back off, I heard you.”

They rode into Virginia City with neither one of them having said much along the way.  In truth, they were both becoming a little apprehensive.  They tied their horses to a hitching post on a side street to minimize the chance that anyone they knew might recognize their horses.  They then walked through another darkened alley and knocked on Goldie’s door.  It was a large establishment but a burly-looking man promptly answered the door.

“What do you want?  You look too young to be wantin’ to come in here.  Get lost.”

Just then a large buxom woman, Goldie herself, firmly pushed the bouncer to one side and took a long hard look at Adam and “Mark”.

“Aw, c’mon, Bruce.  Let’em in.”

Goldie reached out and pulled Adam in by the front of his coat and noticed that his young friend quickly followed.  She looked Adam up and down in an appreciative manner.

“This one’s young but he’s tall and he’s awfully good looking.  He’s got potential,” she said as she laughed heartily.

She pushed both of them in front of her to the main parlor where small clusters of girls began to advance on them in an overly friendly and predatory manner.  At least that’s how it seemed to MaryAnn.

MaryAnn promptly forgot all of the things that Adam had told her to do and not to do.  Her mouth went dry and her lips formed into a perfect O as she gazed at the scanty attire of the women beginning to cluster around them.  MaryAnn was dimly aware of a few other men in the same room, with very attentive women either sitting on their laps or leaning over them in a suggestive manner.

Adam and MaryAnn were gently but firmly pushed into two, separate cushy lounges and both were becoming alarmingly attended to.

MaryAnn quickly glanced over at Adam and nearly found herself bolting for the door.  One very brazen lady of the night was running her hand through Adam’s dark curly hair and was lazily undoing the buttons at the top of his shirt with her other hand.  The other lady in attendance was holding a glass of wine to Adam’s lips and was simultaneously running her other hand slowly and suggestively up and down the inside of his right thigh.

After seeing what was happening on the ground floor, MaryAnn blushed mightily as she tried to wrap her mind around the type of activities that were likely reserved for the second floor.

MaryAnn could hear Adam’s protests, but he didn’t sound very convincing.  At least he didn’t sound very convincing to MaryAnn and she noticed that neither of the two ladies with him seemed to have heard him at all.  Maybe it was only in MaryAnn’s imagination but it seemed to her that Adam was beginning to entertain some less studious thoughts and MaryAnn rather doubted that these thoughts had anything to do with anthropology.

In the days to come, a very naïve MaryAnn would wonder to herself why this turn of events regarding Adam’s sudden distraction had never even occurred to her.

Two other young ladies were now hastening to make MaryAnn comfortable in her too-comfortable lounger.  MaryAnn noticed that neither of the fairly young girls attending to her was very pretty.  Mousey-looking was a more accurate description.  MaryAnn was a little miffed until she suddenly remembered that it really wasn’t her goal in life to be a handsome, masculine-looking man anyway.

If either one of these fine ladies puts her hand on my chest, I’m going to give her a black eye, MaryAnn suddenly vowed to herself.

MaryAnn had wrapped a wide band of cloth around her breasts to flatten them.  She wasn’t all that big in this particular area anyway but the binding cloth did serve its purpose quite well, especially since MaryAnn had thought to also wear a vest over her shirt.  However, there was no way her secret was going to stay a secret if either girl put a hand on MaryAnn’s chest or the inside of her thigh.

MaryAnn desperately tried to interest her newfound lady friends in a stimulating discussion of their profession but they just looked at her in a pitying manner.  One of the girls gazed into MaryAnn’s eyes, then slowly leaned forward as if to kiss MaryAnn fully on the mouth.  MaryAnn recognized the intention with horror and promptly lost all sense of propriety.  Propriety? MaryAnn pushed both girls away from her as hard as she could, then jumped to her feet and bolted for the door.  She didn’t remember Adam at all.

Unfortunately for MaryAnn, she ran full force into a gentlemen just coming in the door and the force of the impact knocked her backward and onto her tail.  The gentlemen reached down to help the young man to his feet, and MaryAnn realized with a sudden sinking feeling that it was Mr. Henry Johnson, the banker.  She quickly turned away to avoid meeting Mr. Johnson’s eyes and instantly recognized the father of one of her close friends sitting in a corner with a bevy of ladies at his side and one in his lap.

MaryAnn’s heart lurched and she made a dash for the door again.  Bruce moved toward the door at the same time to intercept her.  MaryAnn forced herself to speak slowly and in a courser tone.  “I’m sorry, sir, but you were right.  I’m too young for this.”

Bruce stepped aside and MaryAnn flew out the door with Adam racing after her.  Adam ran with her to where their horses were tethered, then quickly tried to calm her down a bit.  They mounted their horses and raced out of town using the back streets as best they could.  Both of their hearts were pounded furiously against their chests.

In the quiet, dark and long stretch of road back to their hill, neither of them said a word.  When they reached the top of the hill, Adam leaned sideways in his saddle and reached for the bridle of MaryAnn’s horse.  He pulled both of their horses to a stop, and then dismounted.  Going to MaryAnn’s side, he gently pulled her from her saddle and turned her to face him. MaryAnn was trembling and she had such a look of sadness on her face that Adam felt his own heart lurch.

“I’m sorry, MaryAnn, I should never have allowed this.  Are you hurt?”

Adam pulled her into a soft hug and MaryAnn leaned gently against him.  Her words were halting and so low that he could barely hear her.  Adam sensed that she desperately needed to talk and he gave her time to find the words that would work for her.

“Adam, I’m so sorry.  I should have listened to you.  You were right.  This wasn’t a good idea. What started out as a lark for me has ended up with me finding out a terrible secret about my good friend’s father.  I was so worried about us getting caught that it never occurred to me that we might catch someone else.  I didn’t mean to but I have intruded terribly into someone else’s private life.  And, Adam, the banker was in there also.  How am I ever going to see either of them or their families in the same way as I did before?”

“MaryAnn, I saw both of them too.  It’s not…not important.”

“But, Adam, it is important.  I don’t think either of the two men recognized me, but they surely must have recognized you.  I...I guess we don't have to worry about them telling your father though.  They’re in a position of not being able to tell your father about you without giving away their own involvement.”

MaryAnn’s words continued to tumble out.

“I wanted to satisfy my own curiosity about something, but it never occurred to me that this might cause pain for someone else.  Oh, Adam, we must never tell anyone about seeing either of them in there.  That knowledge would be so painful to their families.  I wish there was some way to just undo this whole evening so I no longer knew about them myself."

“Well, MaryAnn, I’m not entirely blameless either.  I could have and I should have stopped this in the very beginning.  I guess we both learned a hard lesson, didn’t we?”

“Adam, I’m so sorry…sorry that it turned out this way.  You have no idea how sad I feel.  We didn’t really do anything that wrong, but I feel guilty for finding out something about them that I had no right to know.  It almost feels like we were eavesdropping.”

“MaryAnn, there is no way that you could ever be anything but a good person.  You are so sweet and caring.  We both just made a mistake.  A mistake in judgment.”  Adam pulled her to him again and lightly kissed her forehead.

“Buck up, MaryAnn.  Things will work out, but right now we both have to be getting home.  It’s very late.  Go quietly and carefully down the hill and I’ll stay here and watch until you’re safely back in your house.”

“Goodnight, Adam.  You are such a good person.  I hope you get safely to your room and don’t get caught by your pa.  And, Adam, thanks for…for being my friend and for going with me.”

Adam turned her away from him and gave her a little push.  “Go.  I still have to get home and make it past Pa without getting caught for coming in so late.”

Both Adam and MaryAnn escaped being caught by their respective fathers that night.  Neither of them escaped their own regrets for how the evening had turned out.

Ben had long ago booked passage on a ship to carry Adam to his destination to attend college at Harvard.  The ship would depart San Francisco, sail around the southern horn of South America to the Atlantic Ocean, and would then sail north again to deliver Adam to Boston.  Adam would turn eighteen years old just before his ship was to sail.

Although the time for departure was still months away, problems were already cropping up.  Little Joe was too young and either could not or would not understand that Adam was not abandoning him.  He was at times so mad at Adam that he would sulk for hours at a time and only Ben’s threat of a spanking would make Little Joe change his attitude.  Little Joe would then swing in the other direction and would cling to Adam for days in a near death grip.

Hoss didn’t understand his older brother’s insane need to acquire so much book learning but he did understand that this was something that Adam wanted to do.  Hoss knew that he would miss Adam a lot but he did recognize that he wasn’t going to lose Adam forever.  Hoss was sad but there was nothing that he could do about it.  The decision had been made and Adam was going to leave.

Adam was having problems of his own.  He had been thinking about MaryAnn now for a long time.  Thinking about her constantly.  Both of their families would have had to have blinders on not to recognize that Ben’s first-born and Jim Archer’s youngest daughter were starting to care more than a little for each other.

Adam had been privately entertaining the idea that he really didn’t want to go to college after all.  Four years was starting to seem like an eternity.  Adam didn’t want to go that long without being around MaryAnn’s sweet face and that long body of hers.  And, oh yes, her mind.

One morning after breakfast and after Hoss and Little Joe had slammed their way outdoors, Ben got up from his own chair at the table and slid into Little Joe’s chair.  He put his hand on Adam’s arm.

“Son, sit back down.  I need to talk to you about something that you may think is none of my business.  I want you to understand that it is my business.  It’s about MaryAnn and you—”

Adam jumped up and started toward the door.  “Pa, I don’t want to talk about this.”

Ben grabbed his son’s arm again and sat him back down at the table.

“If you don’t want to talk, fine.  But you are going to listen.”  Ben almost laughed as he watched Adam’s face and saw his eldest son stare stonily at his empty plate with his lower lip slightly forward.  “Son, you’re too old to sulk so pull that lip back in and look at me.”

“Adam, I know perfectly well that you are a gentleman and that you know how to treat a lady in a respectful manner.  I also believe that you are very attracted to MaryAnn.  I believe that she also has feelings for you.  You surely must know how much I like MaryAnn.  She is a lovely girl, Adam, but I want you to be very careful.”

Seeing that Adam was attempting to interrupt, Ben pressed on, “You and MaryAnn have been friends for many years but the time has come for you both to no longer spend time alone with each other.  When you’re young, emotions can…can unexpectedly override reason and I don’t want that happening to you and MaryAnn.  MaryAnn’s father and I both agree on this. You will be leaving for college in a few months and I don’t want anything untoward derailing you from this dream that you have worked so hard to achieve.”

Ben’s voice dropped an octave and it took on a slightly harder edge, “Is this understood?”

“No, it’s not understood!  You and Mr. Archer have been talking about MaryAnn and me?  When?  And why?  MaryAnn isn’t that kind of girl.  How could you even imply that?  And yes, I do know how to act like a gentlemen.”  Adam was getting very angry.

“Watch your tone and your words with me, Adam!”

Adam struggled to get his anger under control.  “Pa, this isn’t fair to either me or to MaryAnn.  Neither one of us would ever do anything to hurt the other one.  I run into MaryAnn all of the time going and coming on this ranch.  What am I supposed to do when I see her riding toward me, turn tail and run?”

“Careful, Adam,”  Ben warned.

“Pa—”

“Adam, I’m not saying you can’t see each other at all.  What I am telling you is that I don’t want the two of you to spend time alone.  I’m not being unreasonable, son.  Why don’t you take the morning off and ride over and talk to MaryAnn and tell her what I’ve told you and what I expect from both of you from now on?”

A sharp retort started to form on Adam’s lips but sanity prevailed at the last second when the sternness that had been in Ben’s voice finally penetrated Adam’s brain.  He took a deep breath.  “May I be excused?”

The overly polite tone of Adam’s question was not lost on Ben and he groaned inwardly at his son’s unwillingness to graciously accept his father’s edict.

Adam went out to the barn to saddle Sport.  He just wanted to ride and ride hard before coming back to reposition the signal rock for MaryAnn to come and meet him. He needed to ride off some of his anger and frustration before he talked to her.  Adam was just as angry at MaryAnn’s father as he was at his own.  He didn’t want to just show up at MaryAnn’s house and have to talk to her father also.

Little Joe’s eyes lit up when he saw Adam come into the barn and start to saddle Sport.  He ran over to Adam and peppered him with questions.

“Where ya goin’, Adam?  Can I come?  Lift me up and let me come with ya.  I’ll be good.  I’ll just sit in front of ya and I won’t squirm or nothin’.  I’ll be good, honest.”

“Not today, Little Joe.  I’ve got things to do.  I’ll take you riding with me later in the week.  I promise.  We might even go fishin’.”  Adam turned himself away from the disappointed look on Little Joe’s face and rode away.

After Adam had nearly exhausted his horse and himself, he reined Sport in and leaned forward to pat Sport’s withers.  “Sorry, fella, no reason why you should pay just because I’m mad at the world and the way it is.”  Sport just tossed his head in his high-spirited manner.

Adam was a considerable distance away from the ranch house but he was now riding Sport at an easy walk to cool both of them down.  He crested a small hill and suddenly grinned in spite of his bad mood when he spotted MaryAnn walking her horse toward Lake Tahoe.

MaryAnn’s horse was going at such a slow pace that it could hardly be called a walk.  What made Adam grin was the realization that MaryAnn was once again reading while she was riding.  Adam wondered how many times his own safety-conscious father had yelled at him for doing the same thing.

Adam kicked Sport into an easy lope to catch up with MaryAnn.  He knew that MaryAnn, unlike him, would not be reading Shakespeare or poetry.  That was one of the few things they did not agree on.  As always, MaryAnn would likely be reading a science journal or a nature periodical that she had saved her money to subscribe to.

Sure enough, Adam was almost upon her before she even looked up.  A small niggling thought came to Adam that perhaps his father was right.  It was lucky for MaryAnn that it was he who was riding up.  It gave Adam a queasy feeling when he thought of all of the unsavory men who often used the Ponderosa for a short cut to wherever they happened to be heading.

“Hello, Adam, I didn’t expect to run into you today but I’m glad I did.  I was just on my way to spend some time at the lake.  Do you have time to join me?  I have two great journals that came in the mail just this past week.”

Adam swung Sport alongside of MaryAnn’s horse and said, “Well, at this pace, you won’t get to the lake this month.  Want to race?”

Adam took off before MaryAnn had time to either take up the challenge or to put her periodical safely back into her saddlebag.  Sport was already tired so Adam used every advantage he needed in order to win the race.

When they reached the lake and had settled themselves comfortably near the shore, Adam turned to MaryAnn and blurted out what his father had told him.  “Apparently, you and I are going to be restricted from being alone from now on.  I’m so angry, I could spit nails.”

“Calm down, Adam.  I don’t like it either.  It upsets me that neither of our fathers seems to trust us.”

Adam sat there angrily tossing small stones into the water.  It was quiet for a long time between them before he felt MaryAnn’s eyes on him.  He turned slowly to look at her and was startled to find that she was intently looking at the small fresh scar on his forehead, compliments of Little Joe’s teeth when the two of them had collided on the ice this past winter.

As Adam continued to look at MaryAnn, he watched her gaze slide slowly down to his mouth, then down to his shirtfront, and then watched it slowly drift back up again to his mouth and finally come to rest on his eyes.

Any residual anger drained from Adam and all he could do was fill his mind with MaryAnn.  Good Lord, he wanted her.  He wanted to touch her, and hold her, and feel her long, naked body held tightly to his own.

He reached out and roughly pulled her to him.  She didn’t resist.  He leaned his body hard into hers and tumbled her the rest of the way backward to the ground.  He swung one long leg over her and straddled her body.  MaryAnn saw a devilish look come into his eyes as he grabbed both of her wrists and held her arms outstretched on the ground above their heads.

Still holding their arms above them, Adam carefully settled his long, fully clothed body over MaryAnn’s fully clothed body.  Just as he bent his head towards hers, he heard a hesitant but forever curious MaryAnn quietly say in his ear, “So tell me, Adam, have you ever done this before?”

“Shut up, MaryAnn,” Adam said softly as his sweet mouth captured hers.

MaryAnn’s mouth parted slightly and, for the second time in her life, she felt the warmth and wetness of Adam’s tongue.  And, as had happened the first time they had kissed in the barn, she again felt a tingling jolt touch the palms of her hands.  So sharp and sudden was the tingling that it was almost painful.

Only this time, the tingling in MaryAnn’s palms was suddenly joined by a sharp, inwardly tugging sensation at a lower, more vital part of her body.  The word ‘primal’ rose unbidden from the depth of MaryAnn’s soul and reverberated over and over in the recesses of her mind. Good Lord, Adam, I want you so much, it hurts, she thought.

Then the thought that was never far from her mind came back in full force and stopped MaryAnn in her tracks.  She whispered into Adam’s ear, “Wait.”

When MaryAnn wiggled her hands to get free, Adam loosened his grip and let her wrists slide out of his hands.  She placed one hand to the center of his chest and said, “Wait.”

For MaryAnn, it was no longer “too soon to worry.”  The time to worry was here.  No, that wasn’t true.  She had been worrying and fighting a mental battle with herself for a long time.  It wasn’t the time to worry that was here; it was the time to make a decision that was here.  It could no longer be put off until some future obscure date.  The time for her to make the most difficult decision of her life had arrived, as she had always known it would.

She also knew that she wasn’t strong enough yet.

Like Adam, MaryAnn was herself a rational person and brutally honest with herself.  For all of her life, if she didn’t know the answer to any problem that presented itself, she had a tendency to mentally debate possible solutions in her mind.  Although she had already debated this issue with herself many times, she seized the chance to quickly sift through the possibilities again.  Perhaps she had missed something.

I can sleep with him now and still leave him later.

No.  You are not strong enough yet.  If you sleep with him now, you will not be strong enough to leave him.  This is your problem, not his.  Remember, he doesn’t know.

But I can sleep with him now, and then he will go away to college.  That way, I don’t have to be strong enough to leave him.  He will be leaving me.  Isn’t that the same result?

No.  If you sleep with him, you know that he won’t want to leave you.  You aren’t strong enough for yourself yet, how will you be strong enough to resist his wish to stay with you?

But I can sleep with him now and just tell him my secret.

No.  If you tell him that you can’t have children, you know he will choose you anyway.

Does it matter if he chooses me?  He doesn’t even know he needs children.

But you know he needs children.  After Marie died, you are the one who saw the love and protectiveness on his face whenever Little Joe turned to him for comfort.

I can’t give him up.

You have to make sure that he marries someone else.  You can’t conceive his children but another woman can.

But we could adopt children.

Your inability to have children is only the first part of the problem.  If you adopted children, how would that solve the second part?

If he is willing to give up having children rather than give me up, does it really matter?

Don’t you matter?  Aren’t you forgetting the part that is so important to you?  You have a need to see the physical looks and strong character of this man you love so much live on in his future sons.  This is your need, not his.

But I want him now.  I can’t wait any longer.  My body aches for his.

You can wait.  Let him go away for four years.  You will get stronger in that time.

I won’t give him up!

You will find a way.  If you sleep with him now, you won’t be strong enough to walk away.  Get on your horse and go home.  Four years isn’t so long.

Why do I always choose to be so damned rational?

Because you are too intelligent to muddle through life by just letting things happen.  Direct your life and make things happen.  Always choose to think.

But I love him.

You don’t have to stop loving him.  If you make the right choice for you, that choice will eventually be the right choice for both of you.

But I want to sleep with him now!

If you sleep with him now, the sons and daughters of Adam Cartwright will never exist.  You will come to regret that.

But I love this man so much!

Love yourself enough to make yourself strong first.

I’ll never give him up!

If and when he comes back, you will be stronger and you will find a way to never give him up.  Walk away from him.  Now.

MaryAnn slowly sat up and looked into Adam’s eyes with tears suddenly spilling from her own.

“What happened, MaryAnn?  All of a sudden you looked so sad and seemed so far away.”

“Please, Adam.  Please listen carefully.   I want you so much it is physically hurting me to be near you.  But your pa is right.  We shouldn’t be alone.  All of this today is too soon for me.  I...I’m not strong enough yet.”

I’m going to get on my horse and go home.  I think I’m doing the right thing, MaryAnn silently told herself.

“MaryAnn, do you have any idea how much I love you?  Do you have any clue how much my mind and my body want you for the rest of our lives?  I don’t want to go to college.  I don’t want to be away for four years.  I want to marry you now.  I want us to have lots of daughters who look just like you. Please, MaryAnn, marry me now.”

MaryAnn’s heart slowed and the sound of blood rushing through her ears quieted.  So there it was.  It couldn’t get much clearer than that.  Adam wanted daughters like her just as MaryAnn wanted sons like him.

Well, I can’t give you daughters like me, Adam, but I can make it possible for another woman to give you sons like you, MaryAnn thought to herself.

“Adam, I will love you for all of my life but I...I will never marry you.  Someday I will tell you the reason but that reason doesn’t matter for today.  I will tell you that it has to do with a circumstance that is beyond the control of either of us.    For now, please just believe me and let that be enough.”

“I want you to go to college, Adam.  I may not stay in Virginia City but, if I leave, I will come back to be here when you get home.   And even then, I may leave again.  Adam, please believe that I will never leave you completely and...and I will love you for all of my life."

Adam was very quiet as his eyes searched her face.  MaryAnn slowly stood up and turned to mount up.  He caught her arm and gently turned her to face him again.

“MaryAnn, I haven’t seen you cry since we were…pups.  I believe you about loving me.”

“Marry a good woman someday, Adam, someone who will appreciate the kind of man you are.  I know you don’t understand this yet, but please remember that I will find a way to never leave you completely.”

MaryAnn’s eyes were drawn to the front of Adam’s shirt. Why not? she thought.

“Adam, would you just…not move for a minute and…and not say anything?  Please?"

At his nod, MaryAnn gently brushed the front of his already unbuttoned shirtfront slightly to one side and softly placed her lips in the little hollow just above his collarbone.  Oh Lord, I waited a long time for this, she thought.  Then she tugged his shirtfront back into position and stepped away toward her horse.

After mounting, MaryAnn turned again to Adam and smiled the sweetest smile he had seen in his entire life.  “Remember, Cartwright, I’m not through with you,” she said so softly he could barely hear her.

A surge of happiness shot through Adam and he knew that MaryAnn would never be out of his life.

As he looked up at her, he saw a look of merriment come into her eyes.

“So what do you think, Adam?  This place?  In four years?   Uh…would you wear all black clothes like you’re wearing today?  Oh, and would you…leave the top few buttons of your shirt undone when you come riding up?"

Adam suddenly couldn’t wait to get to college so he could hurry up and get back home again.  He grinned at her and his left eyelid slid into its characteristic wink.

“This place.  In four years, MaryAnn.  I’ll be here.  Count on it.”

References:

Mydriasis is a long-continued or excessive dilatation of the pupil of the eye (Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, Tenth Edition principal copyright 1993, 456WC02010099).

MaryAnn’s reference to “an unexamined life” comes from Socrates (The Dialogues of Plato, June 1986, ISBN 0-553-21371-7, page 22).

The reference to a freshly healed scar on Adam’s forehead comes from Lifelong Impressions, a story I posted in March 2003.  The small scar described in that story can be seen in many episodes but only if you have a large TV screen.

The song, “MaryAnn” comes from the CD, Pernell Roberts Sings Come All Ye Fair.

End of Part 2

April, 2003

Revised: January 2004