Part Three

Mid-Summer 1852

Adam didn’t wait for the stagecoach driver to completely stop the team of horses, he didn’t wait for the driver to hop down and place the small steps at the coach door, and he certainly didn’t wait for the other two male passengers to disembark from the coach before him.  As the coach was grinding to a halt, Adam opened the coach door and jumped the short distance to the ground.  He had spotted his family anxiously waiting on the boardwalk and he practically skidded into Ben’s outstretched arms.  This was the boy who shied from public displays of affection?

Ben held his firstborn close, then held him at arm’s length to look him up and down before pulling him back into a bear hug again.  God, he had missed Adam.  Adam had been away at college for four long years and now his barely 22-year-old son was finally back where he belonged.

Adam pulled away from Ben long enough to throw his arm around Hoss’s neck.  At least he assumed this was Hoss.  The man he was hugging had sky-blue eyes like Hoss and he had a good-natured grin like Hoss, but it just didn’t seem possible that Hoss was now so much taller than Adam's own 6'2" frame.  If Adam thought that his father had given him a bear hug, he was wrong.  Sixteen-year-old Hoss’s hug was truly bear sized.

Adam laughed and turned next to embrace his littlest brother.  Well, this was more like what Adam had imagined.  Little Joe had always been somewhat small for his age and he still was.  The 10-year-old boy now standing before Adam had of course grown but, other than that, Little Joe hadn’t changed much in looks.  He still had the same curly brown hair, hazel eyes, and mischievous grin that Adam had remembered so well. 

Adam cupped the back of Little Joe’s neck with the palm of his hand, bent down to Little Joe’s level, and pulled a slightly hesitant Little Joe into a warm embrace.  “I missed you, little buddy.”  It was now Adam’s turn to hold Joe at arm’s length and look him over.  “I’ve missed you all.”

After much jostling and saying hello to a few of the town’s people who had also gathered to greet the returning Cartwright, Adam’s luggage was finally loaded onto the buckboard and the entire family set off for home.  Hoss was riding Chubb and Little Joe was riding Blaze.  Adam’s horse, Sport, had been left at home until Adam had had a chance to get used to riding again so he and Ben were in the buckboard.

As the buckboard bounced on its way to the Ponderosa, Hoss and Joe rode close to the buckboard so all four of the Cartwrights could talk.  There wasn’t much of a lull in the conversation even though the ride to the Ponderosa was long.

As the buckboard passed the hill between the Archer’s ranch and the Ponderosa, Adam glanced up and over Ben’s head to check the position of the signal rock.  The white signal rock had been placed on the west side of the tree, a clear signal from MaryAnn!  At that moment, Adam wondered how it was possible for one man to be so happy.

“Hey, Pa, have you seen MaryAnn lately?  You wrote that she had moved to San Francisco a couple of years ago but that she spends some time each summer at the Archer ranch.  Is she here?  Does she know I’m coming home today?”  Adam tried to sound casual.

Ben chuckled a little to himself.  Some things never change.  Adam rarely gave out any more information than he had to regarding his feelings.  “I ran into MaryAnn last week and, yes, she knows you’re coming home today.  We’re throwing a welcome home party for you on Saturday and of course I invited the Archers.”

“The party will be great, Pa.  I can’t wait to see everyone again,”  Adam said aloud as he wondered to himself how he was going to be able to sneak away to see MaryAnn before Saturday.  This was Monday and Saturday was a long way off.

Wait a minute, Adam thought, I’m 22 years old and I don’t have to sneak past Pa any more.  I’ll just go over to MaryAnn’s house and we can go for a ride.

But Adam had another problem.  He had been going over and over in his mind the pact that he and MaryAnn had made about meeting at Lake Tahoe at a designated spot in four years upon his return from college.  He wondered to himself how many times in the past four years he had revisited their last day alone.  He had missed her and had looked forward in his mind to being with her as they had planned so long ago.  But Adam wanted to keep his feelings for MaryAnn private.  He wasn’t sure if things had changed over the years between MaryAnn and him.  God, he hoped not.

Adam was a little surprised at the reserved nature in which Hop Sing greeted him at the ranch.  Well, Hop Sing tried to be reserved but Adam just grabbed the smaller man’s hand warmly and shook it in greeting, then draped his long arm over Hop Sing’s shoulder and grinned from ear to ear.  You know the grin, the one that stretches his lips back to show most of his teeth and causes a small canyon to appear in each cheek.  Yeah, that one.  Hop Sing gave up his meager attempt at decorum and let his own smile show his happiness.

Adam spent the rest of the afternoon getting resettled into his old room and walking around the house and barn.  It felt strange after being gone for so long.  Adam gave a soft whistle as he entered the barn and was pleased to hear an answering snort from Sport.  He was glad that his horse had remembered him.  Somehow he had been a little concerned about that.  He rubbed Sport’s nose, then decided to saddle up and ride a bit.  Hoss and Ben had kept Sport well exercised while Adam was away and Sport was ready for a ride.

Sport was ready but Adam wasn’t.  He rode Sport around the yard for a brief time before putting him back in the barn.

From his vantage point in a chair on the porch, Ben had been watching Adam ride around the yard.  He got up and followed Adam into the barn.  He didn’t mean to be following Adam around, but he couldn’t quite believe that his son was finally home and he couldn’t resist the need to be near him. 

“Son, it’s going to take a while for you to get used to riding again.  I’m glad you’re taking it a little at a time.  You’ll soon be back to riding as much as you did before, but right now Hop Sing has dinner ready and he has prepared all of your favorites.”

“I never thought it would seem strange to ride a horse but I have to admit that it does.  I hope you aren’t expecting me to jump right back in where I left off.  I’m going to need some time to get used to things again.”

Ben threw his arm around Adam as they walked toward the house.  “Take your time, Son.  Take your time.  You have no idea how happy I am just to have you home again.”

Adam was anxious to get to the signal rock but wasn’t sure when he would be able to get away from his family.  Hoss was now a full time ranch hand and had lots of duties around the Ponderosa.  Adam wasn’t sure exactly what his own role would be on the ranch but, in the meantime, Hoss wanted Adam to join him so they could work together.

Little Joe was on summer break from school and he also was anxious to get reacquainted with Adam.  Little Joe was somewhat more reserved about this than Hoss was.  Little Joe remembered how fun Adam could be but he also remembered that his eldest brother had a lower tolerance than Hoss for Joe’s natural inclination to get into mischief.

The next day, however, an opportunity to get away presented itself earlier than Adam expected and he grabbed it.  He saddled Sport and told his family he wouldn’t be gone long, but he wanted to take Sport out alone to get used to riding again.  Sport naturally danced around as he always had in anticipation of a run, but Adam held him back to a walk and finally to a nice easy lope.

After making sure that nobody was in the vicinity, Adam rode up the hill to the signal rock.  As he crested the top of the hill, he looked down the other side of the hill to the Archer ranch not far in the distance.  As he dismounted, he glanced around and noticed an odd assortment of twigs.  A grin spread across his handsome face as he realized that the seemingly haphazardly placed twigs were actually a signal to him.  The twigs formed a large arrow pointing in the direction of the signal tree.

Adam went to the base of the tree, dropped to his knees, and felt around in the small hole in the split of the tree.  Sure enough, his and MaryAnn’s old note jar was still in place.  Adam pulled the jar out and saw a note in it from MaryAnn.  He fumbled in his hurry to get the small jar opened.

Adam’s heart thumped in his chest and he quickly moved the white signal rock to the east side of the tree.  He had to grin at his own need to hurry to get that rock repositioned.  Did he think she was going to change her mind and that the writing on the note was suddenly going to fade then reappear as different words?

Thursday morning found the four Cartwrights at the breakfast table.

Hoss turned to Adam, “How about ya comin’ with me today, Adam?  I’m gonna be roundin’ up some strays that got out last week, then I need to mend the fence.  It’s always easier when two people mend fence.”

Little Joe shot a challenging look at Hoss.  “Hey, back off.  Adam just got home.  I wanted him to come fishin’ with me.  You’ve got Charlie to help ya fix that fence.”

Joe then turned to Adam.  “So, how about it, Adam?  Feel like a little fishin’ or have ya forgotten how?”

Adam looked at Joe and grinned.  “I can outfish you any day of the week, little brother.  Any day of the week.”

Ben watched Adam over the rim of his coffee cup.  “So, Adam, what would you like to do?  You know you don’t have to start working right away so it’s up to you.”

Adam looked around the table, “Would you mind if I just spent the day riding alone today?  I’m feeling the need to reacquaint myself with Lake Tahoe and just take in the beauty of the Ponderosa.”   Adam added with a chuckle, “And before you say anything, Pa, I promise I won’t read while I’m riding.”

Never one to give up easily, Little Joe looked at Adam.  “Will ya promise to go fishin’ with me next week?”

“It’s a promise, little buddy, and I can still outfish you.”

Adam rode out alone and headed for the lake.  He had a talk with himself about his need to keep his feelings for MaryAnn to himself.  He didn’t much like the fact that he was 22 years old and felt like he was sneaking around to be with her.  On the other hand, some things were just private and, until he knew where he and MaryAnn stood with each other, he decided that not saying more than he had to was the best way.

As Adam rode, he found himself wondering how many times while at college had he caught himself with an open textbook in his hands just staring off into space thinking about that last day that he and MaryAnn had been together.  Adam had wanted to make love to MaryAnn but she had stopped both of them at the last minute.  He remembered so clearly her telling him that she wasn’t strong enough yet but that she would love him for all of her life and, although she would not marry him, she would find a way to never leave him completely.

As he neared the lake, he veered off a little to the north and guided Sport through the large boulders to the small cove where he and MaryAnn had last parted.  Adam felt both a mixture of anticipation at again seeing MaryAnn and a feeling of apprehension.  What if she had changed and she only thought she loved him?

Adam rounded the last boulder and saw MaryAnn standing at the water’s edge.  Her light-colored red hair had grown longer and it now reached well below her shoulders.  She was wearing women’s riding clothes instead of the old jeans and shirt that Adam was accustomed to seeing her wear.  She was very slender but didn’t seem quite as angular as he remembered.  His eyes traveled over her body and once again he found himself thinking, God, she sure is long.  Another thought quickly followed, I have to have her.

MaryAnn turned when she heard Adam ride up.  She walked over to greet him as he dismounted.

“Welcome home,” she said softly as she touched his sleeve.  “I see you remembered about the black clothes and…the buttons.”  She tried to stop her glance from drifting to his shirtfront but wasn’t entirely successful.

Adam placed his hands lightly on her shoulders, leaned forward to place his lips close to her ear, and said softly.  “It’s been a long four years.”  He let his fingers slip through her long, straight and shiny hair.

“Adam, let’s…let’s sit down and talk.  I have a picnic lunch if you’re hungry.”

“I’m not that kind of hungry,” Adam said huskily.

“I…I think we need to talk.  Four years is a long time.  Uh…tell me about college.”

“MaryAnn, we have a lifetime for me to tell you about college.  All right.  All right.  But first you have to tell me what you’ve been doing in San Francisco.”

“Well, we have a lifetime for that also but I’ll fill you in a bit.  I moved there two years ago.  You remember Aunt Jane, my father’s maiden sister who used to come stay with us almost every summer?  Well, she passed away and left a little money for Lizzie and for me.  She always seemed so poor and always dressed as if she didn’t have a dime to her name so it came as a real shock to find out she left some money for me in her will.  Can you imagine that?  Adam, I miss her so much.  You remember how nice she was, don’t you?”

“MaryAnn, of course I remember Aunt Jane.  She was always very nice to me.  Even when you and I were in trouble with your pa, she always tried to intervene on our behalf.  Do you remember her doing that?”

MaryAnn chuckled.  “I do.  It never worked but she always tried.  We have to give her credit for that.  Not many people would go up against my pa when he’s angry.”

Adam laughed in memory.  “Are you thinking about the time we threw all of that mud at Lizzie?  Sorry, MaryAnn, but I never liked your sister and that memory has made me chuckle over the years.”

MaryAnn grinned.  “You don’t have to apologize, Adam.  I feel the same way about Lizzie.  For some reason, she always tried to make my life more difficult than it had to be.”

“Well, we did throw mud all over her.”

“Well, we did but I don’t think that’s the reason.  I have just about decided that in this life there are some people who think their whole goal in life is to make someone else’s life less enjoyable.  They never even look at their own lives at all.”

“How did we ever get on the subject of your sister?  Onward, tell me about San Francisco.”

“Well, Adam, I used the money that Aunt Jane left me and I’ve been investing it in real estate.  I took one long look at that gorgeous ocean coastline in San Francisco and decided that all of those new people coming to that area would also realize the beauty of the property there.  So, that’s what I do…I buy property, hold it for a while, then sell it at a profit.”

“That’s great, MaryAnn.  So, when are you going to move back here and marry me?”

The light went out in MaryAnn’s eyes and she quickly looked down at the ground.  “Please, Adam.  Don’t ask me that any more.  It just makes things harder.”

“MaryAnn, do you…still love me?”

“I do, Adam.”

There was a brief pause as MaryAnn seemed to be thinking and choosing her next words.  “Adam, I hope…I hope you’re not expecting me not to love you because, if you are, you’re out of luck.  I wouldn’t know how not to love you.   But, please, don’t ask me to marry you any more.”

“Why?”

“Let’s talk about something else.”

“MaryAnn, you know that I love you, don’t you?”

“Yes, I…I do know that.  It just doesn’t…change anything.”

“Why?” Adam demanded, getting a little heated.

MaryAnn thought to herself, If I tell you Adam, you will just tell me that you don’t have to have children.  I know you.  You will make it not matter to you.  But you don’t understand that it is important to me that you have children.  It matters so much to me!

“Why are we arguing?  Please, Adam.  I won’t marry you but I...I don’t have to give you up.”

“Well, how is that going to work?  What are you saying, that we just…just sleep together?”

MaryAnn slowly raised her eyes to meet his, “Yes.”

Adam practically exploded.  “Well, great, that will do wonders for my reputation.  In spite of what you might think, I don’t want to be known as the stud of the Ponderosa!  And you know where your reputation will be, don’t you?”

“Well, I didn’t think we had to tell anyone.”

“MaryAnn!”

“Adam, it can’t be helped.  Not everyone’s…situation fits into the nice little cubbyholes of…of society-dictated morality.  People have to do some thinking, too.”

“Well, I’m not going to do that to you.”

MaryAnn was quiet as she turned to look toward the lake.  After a long time, she turned again to Adam sitting beside her and said quietly, “I love you, Adam Cartwright, but I won’t change my mind.”

Adam was silent for a long time.  After awhile, he found himself watching her as she watched the water lap at the shore.  Good Lord, the girl had indeed developed some interesting curves on that long, slender body of hers.

Adam’s eyes climbed to the gentle features of her face and he found himself losing his resolve completely when she turned again to look at him.  He looked into her questioning eyes and felt like he had just tumbled into the depths of the kindest, sweetest, most passionate soul on this living earth.

They reached for each other at the same time.  A small sliver of sanity broke through Adam’s sense of urgency, and he stopped long enough to hold MaryAnn at arm's length.

“Wait, MaryAnn.  I want you to know that if you get preg…if you get in the family way, I want you to know that I will marry you.  Please never think otherwise.”

“I know, Adam.  But I won’t get pregnant.  It’s okay.”

“Wait.  If you won’t agree to marry me, there are some…some choices available now to prevent…conception.  I learned about some things to use while I was at college.  I brought one with me today…just in case we decided…you know, we decided to…”

“I won’t get pregnant, Adam.”

Adam didn’t even hear her as he rushed on, “It’s called a French Preventative and it’s for men to use.  Here…here’s what it looks like.”

MaryAnn looked down at what he was holding.  Her eyes widened and she softly said, “They teach this in class?”

Adam was startled by her innocence and, in spite of himself, a grin started at the corners of his mouth.  “Uh…no…they don’t teach this in class.”  And don’t ask me any more questions.

“Oh.  Well, we don’t have…to use anything, Adam.  I…I won’t get pregnant.”

A quick thought ran through Adam’s mind.  I wouldn’t mind if you got pregnant at all, MaryAnn.  If you did, you would practically have to marry me.  I wouldn’t mind that at all.

As Adam continued to search MaryAnn’s eyes, he watched her gaze slide slowly from his mouth down to his shirtfront, and then watched it gently drift back up again to his mouth and finally come to rest on his eyes.

“Adam, would you just…not move for a minute and…and not say anything?  Please?

Adam knew what was coming and he felt his heartbeat suddenly accelerate.  MaryAnn lightly tugged the front of his already unbuttoned shirtfront slightly to one side and softly touched her lips to the little hollow just above his collarbone.  Adam felt a much lower part of his body suddenly respond to that small touch and he drew in a sharp breath.

Good Lord, he wanted her.  He had waited so long to feel that long, naked body of hers held tightly against his own.

He reached out and pulled her to him.  She seemed hesitate but not unwilling.  He leaned his body into hers and they both tumbled the rest of the way backward to the ground.  He swung one long leg over hers, grabbed both of her wrists, and held her arms outstretched on the ground above their heads.

A feeling of déjà vu came over MaryAnn as she saw the same devilish look come into his eyes that she had first seen four years ago.   She had never done anything like what she was about to do, but she wasn’t afraid of Adam.  The thought occurred to her that she wasn’t sure if she would ever trust anybody but Adam.

Just as Adam bent his head towards MaryAnn’s, he heard the same hesitant but forever curious MaryAnn quietly say in his ear, “So tell me…uh…have you ever done this before?”

“Shut up, MaryAnn,” Adam said softly as his parted mouth settled on hers.

Later, nestled in each other’s arms, MaryAnn thought to herself that the word ‘primal’ was a fairly accurate description.  As MaryAnn stirred slightly, she heard Adam say softly in her ear, “Uh…sorry, MaryAnn.  I guess I got…I got a little ahead of myself.”

What does that mean?  MaryAnn thought.

Later That Summer, 1852

For the rest of that summer, Adam and MaryAnn met privately at the lake as often as Adam’s workload would allow.  They also went to a couple of barn dances and a church picnic in town together.  People naturally started to think of them as a couple.  MaryAnn expected that notion to soon be dispelled as she quietly went about making arrangements to return to San Francisco.

Ben was pleased that Adam was so obviously happy after his return from college.  His eldest son had always been a hard worker and Adam was once again taking on many responsibilities of the ranch.  For this, Ben was extremely grateful.

But Ben Cartwright had a problem.  He had begun to suspect that Adam was spending private time with MaryAnn and he decided that he needed to confront his eldest son about it.  Adam was a grown man but Ben did not think that Adam fully appreciated the fact that Hoss and Little Joe were still young and impressionable.

There had been a couple of times when Ben had seen Adam riding back to the house from the direction of the lake rather than from where he had been working earlier in the day.  One time, Ben saw MaryAnn racing her horse from the direction of the lake towards her home.  In addition, Adam consistently sidestepped Hoss’s request to partner with Adam on getting a chore done.  Hoss was big and strong and didn’t understand why Adam didn’t seem to welcome his help.

And there was Little Joe.  Adam had gone fishing with Little Joe a couple of times but would cut Little Joe short if Little Joe suggested he be allowed to come riding with Adam.  Adam was a kind person and Ben suspected that Adam was just so wrapped up with his own thoughts that he didn’t fully realize that his actions were hurting his two younger brothers.

Late one afternoon when Hoss and Little Joe were in the house, Ben pulled Adam aside in the barn and told him he wanted to speak to him alone.  As soon as Ben mentioned that he believed Adam was privately meeting with MaryAnn, Adam exploded and didn’t give Ben a chance to finish his sentence.

“Pa, I’m 22 years old!  I don’t have to explain anything.”  Adam started to walk away.

Ben reached out, placed an iron grip on Adam’s upper arm and jerked his son around to face him.  In the eons-old tradition of one larger man imposing his will on another, Ben unconsciously stepped in close to Adam, ready to use his height and weight advantage if needed to support his next words.  “You may be 22 years old, but you will answer me when I talk to you and you will do it in a respectful manner.”

Adam tried to pull away from Ben but was unsuccessful.  At 22, he was still not a physical match for his father but, more importantly, Adam knew he could never bring himself to fight this man who he had loved and respected all of his life.  His pa not only demanded respect from his sons but he had earned that respect in countless ways over the years.

Adam felt a quick surge of shame for himself.   He stopped struggling and lowered his eyes.  “Sorry, Pa.”

Ben relaxed his grip on Adam’s arm but didn’t let go.  He put his other hand on Adam’s back and walked him toward a couple of wooden crates at one end of the barn.  “Sit.  There’s something you need to get straight.”

Ben let go of Adam as they both sat down.  Adam started to say something, but Ben held up his hand to silence him.  Ben looked into Adam’s eyes and his voice was hard and unyielding.

“Adam, in the future, I want you to understand that you do have to explain yourself to me.  It has nothing to do with you being 22 years old.  It has to do with you setting a good example for your two younger brothers.  I still have Hoss and Little Joe to raise and I won’t tolerate a disrespectful attitude from any of the three of you.  Is that clear?”

“Yes…sir.  I didn’t…mean to be disrespectful to you, Pa.  I understand about Hoss and Little Joe.  Hel…heck, I demand respect from both of them toward me too so I do understand.  I’m sorry.  It’s just that some parts of my life are private.  I know you won’t approve of what I’m doing and that knowledge is…is hard on me.  Please, Pa, don’t ever say anything to me against MaryAnn.”

“Son, you know how much I have always liked MaryAnn so that isn’t likely to happen.  Now, I am going to ask you something that really isn’t my business so it’s all right with me if you don’t want to talk to me about it.  Adam, you seem to love MaryAnn, why don’t you ask her to marry you?  We could build a house for the two of you right here on the Ponderosa.”

Adam suddenly dropped his head forward as a sense of profound frustration flooded over him.

“Pa, I do love her but she…she won’t marry me.”

“What!  Why?  Her love for you shows in her eyes whenever she looks at you.”

“She won’t tell me, Pa.  I don’t know why.  I just know that she won’t.  I do know that she loves me.  I will never give her up, Pa, so…please don’t judge her…or me.”

“I see.  I’m sorry, son.  Well, I’m not happy about this situation but I won’t bring it up again unless you want to talk to me about it.  I’ll leave that up to you.  I’m always here to listen.”

“Thanks, Pa.  And I’m sorry I was disrespectful.  I’ll be more careful around Hoss and Little Joe, too.”

A small twinkle appeared in Adam’s eyes.  “Do you suppose you and I will ever get Hoss and Little Joe raised?”

“Lord willing and the creek don’t rise, son.  Lord willing.”

MaryAnn left the following week to return to San Francisco with the promise that she would return for a visit in July of the following summer.  Adam thought about Christmas without MaryAnn and knew he would be lonely, but he knew that travel to and from San Francisco was near impossible in the winter.

Ten Years Later (1862)

Every year for the past ten years, MaryAnn had returned to Virginia City to visit with her family and to be with Adam for two to three weeks each July.

Adam was now 32 years old, Hoss was 26, and Little Joe was 20.  Not much else had changed.

Adam looked forward to MaryAnn’s return each year with barely concealed eagerness.  MaryAnn, on the other hand, was beginning to despair.  What good did it do her not to marry Adam if he wasn’t going to marry someone else and have children?  God, the best laid plans of mice and men, she thought.

In fairness to Adam, he didn’t know that MaryAnn couldn’t have children and that she needed him to marry someone else so he could have children.  He still harbored hopes of her changing her mind someday about marrying him.

Now, Adam didn’t sit at home and pine for MaryAnn on a continual basis.  Above all else, Adam was a passionate man and he had a lot of living to get done.  And, in spite of his earlier declaration to the contrary, he had indeed developed a bit of a reputation as a man who…who…well, as delicately as can be said, he was a man who did the Ponderosa proud.  He was a tall, well-built, handsome man and it wasn’t his fault if women turned to look back as he passed on the boardwalks of Virginia City.

Adam was a man who saw strength, courage, and beauty in the human race and he openly admired any woman who was pleasing to his mind.  He often found himself glancing back whenever a particularly interesting-looking woman passed him on the boardwalk.  It was always a charming moment when they both happened to glance back at the same time.  Adam would do a quick turnaround, retrace his steps, touch his hand to his hat, and introduce himself.  A more self-assured, unfailingly polite and mannerly man never existed.

But he dropped all other plans when MaryAnn was home every July.

Adam had plans to take MaryAnn to the dance on Saturday night and it was a good thing he had already asked her.  Otherwise, he might have had to tell a small lie to Bessie Sue Hightower, Hoss’s potential love interest.

A few days earlier, after some good-natured teasing from both Adam and Little Joe about Hoss going to see Bessie Sue instead of that new bull her father had recently acquired, Hoss blushed and rode off in the direction of Bessie Sue’s house.  When Hoss hadn’t returned the following morning, Adam and Little Joe set off for Bessie Sue’s to locate him.  Adam and Joe couldn’t help but entertain some private hopes that their romance-shy middle brother had not made it through the night with his purity entirely intact.

As it turned out, for a reason that had nothing to do with Bessie Sue, Hoss hadn’t even made it to her house.  Bessie Sue hadn’t seen hide nor hair of Hoss and Bessie Sue was in a high huff because Hoss and she were supposed to have been making plans for the coming dance.  Whenever Bessie Sue got herself into a huff, it was a wise man who paid attention.  She was as tall as Adam and built stout enough to toss heavy wood posts around like matchsticks without even breaking into a glow.

As Adam and Joe talked to Bessie Sue that day, she got it in her mind that she would just go to the dance with someone else and to hell with Hoss.  She turned an inquisitive stare at Little Joe.  Although Little Joe was all grown up, he was still downright scared of Bessie Sue.  His eyes got bigger and bigger and even his forehead twitched in an effort to release some of his tension.  He finally managed to squeak out that he was taking Jennie to the dance and this immediately let him off the hook.

Bessie Sue barely acknowledged Little Joe’s response before her eyes slid sideways to land on Adam.  Now Adam, being a tall, well-built man of considerable strength, had nothing to worry about from Bessie Sue, at least not physically.  He did, however, want to maintain his manners with her because Hoss was sweet on her.  He firmly stated “MaryAnn” in answer to her unspoken query as to his availability for the dance.

Unfailingly polite, Adam kissed the back of Bessie Sue’s hand and cautiously backed away toward his horse.  Little Joe watched wide-eyed and with a look of horror as Adam kissed her hand.  He couldn’t even begin to extend his own manners that far and couldn’t understand why Adam had.  Little Joe did an awkward flap of his arm toward Bessie Sue that somewhat resembled a wave and he also ducked gratefully away to his horse.

A few days later, while the three Cartwright boys were riding out to do some branding, Adam turned to Hoss.

“You know, Hoss, that Bessie Sue is really sweet on you.  She even had it in her mind to use Joe and me to make you jealous when we came looking for you the other day.  Now, a gal that thinks that much of a fella deserves some consideration.  She would make you a real good wife.”

Hoss looked at Adam with alarm written all over his face.  “Hey, knock it off.  I don’t have no hankerin’ to settle down yet.  If you want to talk marriage, why ain’t you and MaryAnn gettin’ hitched?   You two been goin’ together since forever.”

Little Joe piped up, “Yeah, Adam, I’ve been wonderin’ that same thing.”

“All right, you two.  We were taking about Bessie Sue.”

Little Joe grinned, “Yes, we were.  But let’s talk about MaryAnn now.”

“Yeah, I agree with Joe.  Let’s talk about you and MaryAnn gettin’ hitched,” said Hoss with an agreeable grin.  “What’s wrong with ya, anyhow?  I can’t figure why ya want ta prowl around like a lobo wolf all year long when ya could marry MaryAnn.”

Before Adam had a chance to respond, Joe piped up with a grin.  “I’ve been doin’ some thinkin’, Adam.  Maybe the Cartwright Curse is all because you won’t get married.  Maybe there’s somethin’ in the stars that says you have to marry before Hoss and I can get married.”

“Yep, I agree with Joe.  It’s all your fault, Adam,” Hoss laughed.

Joe continued, “Lord knows I’ve already done my fair share of falling in love and I’m only 20 years old.  Why, when you take all of the girls that the three of us have dated, it’s a cryin’ shame.  What is going on?  We’ve had all of these wimmin in our lives and not one of the three of us seems able to keep ‘em in the corral long enough to marry one.” 

Adam didn’t respond but slowly allowed his horse to come to a stop.  Hoss and Little Joe did the same and looked back at Adam.

The grins died on Hoss and Joe’s faces when they saw their oldest brother just sitting in his saddle, looking as lonely as he looked sometimes in winter when he didn’t know that his family wasn’t fooled by the open book he held in front of him.

A quiet look passed between Hoss and Little Joe.  Hoss nudged Chubb forward and called back to both brothers, “C’mon, you two.  At the pace we’re goin’, we’re gonna be branding steers at 2 in the mornin’!”

The following week, Adam and MaryAnn were once again at their small cove at the lake.  They both had been swimming in the nude, as was their wont, and both had spent considerable time practicing their diving from a large boulder that jutted into the water.  MaryAnn had finally left the water and was now watching Adam dive alone.  As he climbed back up on the boulder after each dive, MaryAnn watched the water stream down the long, clean lines of his body and she unconsciously held her breath as she watched him throw his head back to fling off droplets of water from his dark, curly hair.

Good Lord, he looks like a hero conquering all of the elements of nature around him, she thought.

MaryAnn was not unlike Adam in many respects.  She was a woman who valued the strength, beauty, and goodness of the human race and she enjoyed watching this man that she loved stand so tall, so straight, so naked, and so fiercely proud against the backdrop of the lake.  Pride was a virtue to Adam and to MaryAnn and, in their sunlit cove at the lake, they reveled in the pure joy of being alive.

After swimming and lazily sunning themselves on the blanket, MaryAnn leaned up on her elbows and looked down into Adam’s face.  “You awake?”

“I am now.”

“Well, stay awake.  I want to ask you something.  Actually, two things.  Would you be able to come to San Francisco next July instead of me coming back to Virginia City?”

“Well, I guess I could arrange for Pa to hire some extra help to fill in for me for a few weeks or maybe a month.  What’s the other thing?”

“There’s something special I want to ask you to do for me during the long winter months here at the Ponderosa.  Adam, please think carefully and don’t just say no outright.  You know I’ve done well in San Francisco.  I…I want to build my own house on that piece of beach property that I wrote to you about.”

“Yeah.  Go on.  Where do I come in?”

“Adam, would you design the house for me?  Wait.  Wait.  I’ll tell you why.  I think of you all year here on the Ponderosa and I wondered if you would design a small Ponderosa for me.  Exactly like your house here except with an open view toward the back of the house to see the ocean.  If…if I had a house like yours, it would seem more like you were with me all year long.”

“Wouldn’t it be easier to marry me?”

Suddenly and without warning, MaryAnn started to cry.  Adam immediately sat up.  “Good Lord, what caused this?”

“Oh, Adam.  Aren’t you ever going to get married?”

“You won’t marry me!!”

“Damn it, Adam, I mean to someone else!”

“You take care of your life and I’ll take care of mine.”  Adam said somewhat petulantly.  “Besides, MaryAnn, I don’t notice you rushing off to get married either.”

“Sometimes I think that’s what I need to do in order to get you to give up on me.”

“MaryAnn, you’ve told me that you would never leave me completely.  I feel the same way about you.  How the hell is that going to work if I marry someone else?"

“Adam.  Listen carefully.  I…I made a mistake.  I have spent so much time arguing with you over the years about not marrying you that I think I should have just told you the truth in the beginning.  Maybe you will understand after all.”

“So now you’re finally going to tell me why you won’t marry me?” Adam asked in surprise.  Then he shot a furious look at her.  “You better not tell me you don’t love me.”

“Adam, I can’t…have children.  There, I’ve said it.”

“Oh.  You can’t…can’t have children?  Well, so you can’t…have children.”  Adam was quiet for a few minutes, then he suddenly jumped to his feet.  “Damn you, MaryAnn, you better not tell me that’s the reason why you wouldn’t marry me all of these years!  You better not tell me that!”

Adam wouldn’t sit back down so MaryAnn rose to stand also.

“Adam, please listen.  I can’t give you children but another woman can.  I love you so much…I need you to have children.  Don’t you understand?  It’s me who needs to know that the sons and daughters of Adam Cartwright exist.  And I need for you to know your sons and daughters.  This is my need.”

“That doesn’t make sense!  If you love me that much, how could you give me up to another woman?  Answer me!”

“I thought…I thought I could achieve both of the things I needed.  I tried to think of a way where you could have children and where I didn’t have to ever be completely out of your life.”

“Fine.  Enlighten me as to how that was supposed to work,” Adam said sarcastically.

“Well…I made a mistake, Adam.  I can only direct my own life.  I can’t direct yours."

“Enlighten me!”

“You’re towering again.  Back off a little.”

MaryAnn took a deep breath.  “I guess there…there are two parts.  The first part was something that I felt I could direct and make possible.  I…I wanted you to marry someone else so you could have children.   All I had to do was get out of the way.  I love you so much, Adam, that I was willing to risk losing you just so the traits of Adam Cartwright could live on in another human being.  And I wanted you to have the same delight that I saw on your face when we were younger and Little Joe would run into your arms for comfort.  These are the things I wanted for me.”

MaryAnn struggled to go on, “This next part is the part I’ve never had any…control over.  I wanted…I wanted you to remain in my life.  I guess I was hoping you would find a woman who wouldn’t insist that you give me up.  So, what does that make me…insane?”

MaryAnn suddenly shot a glare at Adam.  “Adam Cartwright, whatever you say right now, you better never tell me that it doesn’t matter to you about having children.  It matters to you and it matters to me.”

Adam was stunned.  “Why the hell didn’t you tell me this earlier?  I could have married lots of women who would dearly love to have children.  It wouldn’t have mattered which woman!  There, problem solved!  Case closed!”

“Adam, you aren’t that way and I don’t want you to be that way.  I didn’t want you to marry just any woman.  I wanted you to love your wife and I wanted her to love you.  I guess I just wanted her to love you so much that she might understand that…that you and I have loved each other for so long.  I don’t know why that seems so sane to me but it does.”

MaryAnn looked quietly into Adam’s eyes.  “Adam, the world can think of me whatever it will but I have never experienced anything but pride that I love you, pride that you are the kind of man that you are, and pride that you and I both are able to clearly see in each other the highest ideals of mankind.”

“I love you, Cartwright, and I’ve always told you that I would find a way to never be completely out of your life.  Well, there are two things I want out of this life.  I want you in my life and I want you to have children.  And I’m not getting what I want.  It didn’t do any good for me to move away from you if you won’t let yourself fall in love with someone, get married, and start having babies.  Good Lord, Adam, if I had known that you were going to get stubborn on me and not have a family, then I could just as well have married you myself!”

MaryAnn felt drained but she would not allow herself to appear defeated in front of Adam.

“Adam, I…I don’t know what else to say.  I’m probably the only person on this round earth who thinks there is a sane solution to this dilemma but, in any case, this is something I can’t do alone.  Sorry, Cartwright, but you’re just going to have to work a little harder at falling in love with another woman.  And, no, I won’t marry you.”

She stood defiant, her body straight, her head thrown back, and her eyes flashing.

Adam stepped to her side with traces of anger still on his face.  Traces of anger blended with an overpowering love.  He entwined his long fingers in MaryAnn’s hair, placed one long leg behind one of hers, tripped her and let his body drive hers backward to the blanket on the ground.

“What are you do—?”

“Quiet, MaryAnn,” he said in a hoarse voice, “I have something I need to do right now.”

Later, they lay quietly together for a long time.  He lay curled behind her with one arm tucked beneath her neck and his other arm encircling her waist.  He leaned slightly forward and whispered quietly in her ear.

“MaryAnn, I’ll design a Ponderosa for us, you have it built in…in San Francisco, and we’ll both live in it when I come to stay with you every July for the rest of our lives.”

Adam felt a quiet shudder pass through MaryAnn’s body.  He felt a warm dampness on his arm beneath her neck and he knew that her tears were tears of hope for both of them.

Adam’s arms tightened around her and he drew her closer.

“MaryAnn, I love you so much and I have loved you for so long that it isn’t possible for me not to have you in my life.  The two of us will find a way.”

 References and Acknowledgements:

Adam’s reference to use of a French Preventative comes from the book, I Do.  Courtship, Love and Marriage on the American Frontier by Cathy Luchetti, 1996, ISBN 0-517-88449-6, page 236.  In other sources, this is sometimes referred to as a “French Letter”.

MaryAnn’s reference to “the best laid plans of mice and men” comes not from John Steinbeck’s novel Of Mice and Men but from the poem To a Mouse, On Turning up her Nest with a Plough, by Robert Burns (1759 – 1796).

The reference to Adam telling Bessie Sue Hightower that he is taking MaryAnn to the dance comes from the Bonanza episode Any Friend of Walters, written by Lois Hire.  So, you see, MaryAnn was very much present in Adam’s life during the span of the TV series.

The song “MaryAnn” comes from the CD, Pernell Roberts Sings Come All Ye Fair.

End of Part 3

May 2003

Revised:  January 2004