2004 DEATH DOGS AWARDS FOR CANON STORYTELLING  Have Been Posted Congratulations to the Award Winners Click here for links to AWARD PAGES Thank you to our judges and those who sent nominations.

Buck's speech is definitely earthier than Ezra's but often just as colorful.  He's likely not as educated as Josiah or even Chris but he has no difficulty understanding Ezra.  Buck was generally matched with JD for comedy routines and fan fic writers often pair Ezra and Vin in buddy stories.   But we think writers are missing a bet by not using Buck and Ezra in gen comedy.  They contrast as much as Ezra and Vin.  (A few slash writers have used the odd couple  pairing to good effect.)   So listen up, here's Buck.

 
Of course - Buck talking to & about the ladies:
Ghosts of the Confederacy:

[His first line in the series is spoken to the lusty wife of the imprisoned Billy after Vin bangs on the door pretending to be her husband.]
"I thought he was in Yuma prison."

[When he sees the native women at the village]
 "The wind blew, the clouds parted and out came the sun. I knew you wouldn't let me down, you old dog." [to Chris]

Buck:  "I say we let 'em stay. "
EBAN:  "You touch my daughter I promise I'll kill you."
Buck:  "W-which one is your daughter?"

Buck trying his pick-up lines:  "Howdy. How you doing today? You new in the village? You're looking beautiful I got to tell you right now. You met my friend here?  [referring to horse] My name's Buck, by the way. Playing hard to get, I see. Here we go."  [as he does his little backstep dance]
[When he sees Eban glaring.] Excuse me. Ma'am. Ladies.

From One Day Out West:
BUCK: Beautiful. It's a beautiful day isn't it, Mrs. Travis?
MARY: Yes, it is, Mr. Wilmington.
BUCK: Call me Buck. Can I take these for you?
MARY: Oh, it's all right, I've got them.
BUCK: I don't want you gettin' ink on that pretty dress. Papers. Get your papers here! Read all about it! Here you are, ma'am. A little readin' material. Oh here's a paper, don't you go running from me. oh, here you go. Hold on. Papers right here! Get your papers! Ma'am you've got beautiful eyes. I know you'd like a paper. You can read, can't you? Here you are. I used to do this as a kid.
MARY: (laughs)
BUCK: [reading from paper] "Without justice, courage is weak."
MARY: That's right. Have you thought about serving on the jury?
BUCK: No, ma'am. I'm not a resident.
MARY: Well, what about Mr. Larabee?
BUCK: Uh, well, like me, he just keeps movin' on. Unless there's something to stay for.
MARY: How long have you known him?
BUCK: I've known him a real long time, Ma'am.

[In the barbershop]  "Well, they were twins if that paints a picture for ya. And these two little fillies they looked better walkin' away from a man than they did walkin' towards him. And this golden hair smellin' like sage just tumblin' down their backs to their sweet, buttermilk... "

From Working Girls:

[To Wickes]  I'd advise you to let the lady go... friend.

BUCK: I picked these just for you.
Ezra's 'student': Why, how lovely. Thank you, sir.
BUCK: You're welcome, ma'am and may I just say that you are looking lovely today yourself.  Perhaps I could interest you in a... a hayride later this evening?
WOMAN: Oh, a hayride sounds lovely.
EZRA: Stop. Stop right there.
BUCK: Oh, for the love of... w-what is it this time?
WOMAN: Yeah, I said "lovely." Twice.
EZRA: You said the word but your intention was clearly lascivious. A lady... [interrupted by Josiah's repairs]
EZRA: A lady... Would have slapped his oafish, drooling face.
BUCK: I resent that.

BUCK: Hey! Why don't you go on over to her?
JD: If you are so hell bent on a roll in the hay why don't you go buy one for yourself?
BUCK: I don't pay for it.
JD: Yeah, right.
BUCK: I never have, never will.
JD: You're trying to tell me that you've never slept with... one of those ladies?
BUCK: Oh, I been with plenty of them but I never paid for it.
JD: Mind telling me how that's possible?
BUCK: Well... when you know them like I have you come to respect them and respect buys an awful lot of kindness.
JD: You're talking like they were your family.
BUCK: Come to feel like family when you been raised up together.
JD: Wait a minute. You grew up in a...? Your mother was a...
BUCK: She was a saint.

From Safecracker:
BUCK: To see a woman like you step out of a prison wagon I got to tell you, ma'am, I feel like I've been struck by the sun, ma'am.
TERRY: The sun is barely up, Mr....?
BUCK: Buck Wilmington. At your service. I'm here to escort you to Mary Travis. And this is, uh my associate, uh, uh, Mr. Nathan Jackson. Nathan, why don't you see if the lady has any more luggage?
TERRY: Oh, I have one more, but...
NATHAN: Why don't you do it yourself?
BUCK: Don't mind him, ma'am. He's just a bit ornery in the morning if you know what I mean.
[Buck sticks his head in the prison wagon and gets punched.  He backs off and both he and Nathan draw there guns.]
TERRY: No. Put your guns away. Now, that... was not very polite, Olivia. What do you say to these gentlemen?
OLIVIA:  You need to learn how to duck Mister.
 

BUCK: If you don't mind me saying so, Miss Greer, uh...
TERRY: Oh, oh, it's, uh, Mrs. Greer.
BUCK: Is there a Mr. Greer?
TERRY: My husband died of the fever.
BUCK: That'd be a mountain for anybody to climb but Yuma prison? That don't seem to fit the woman I see before me.
TERRY: A, uh... a youthful indiscretion for which I paid a price.
BUCK: Life is full of problems.
TERRY: Well, problems are only opportunities with thorns Mr. Wilmington.
BUCK: That is pure poetry, ma'am.  Please, call me Buck.

OLIVIA: I seen the way you look at my mama.
BUCK: I was just being friendly.
OLIVIA: You going to be my daddy?
BUCK: That's not my plan, no.
OLIVIA: How do I know?
BUCK: 'Cause I just told you so.
OLIVIA: You ain't going to marry her you better stop looking at her the way you do. Put me down!
BUCK: Fine. Excuse me.
BUCK: Six years old she's already figuring to make some man miserable.
NATHAN: You're the authority on that.
BUCK: I tell you, women-- they got your number from the day they're born.

BUCK: Looks like these guys want to turn me on a spit.
TERRY:  I'm sorry. You, uh, do go on at the mouth a good bit but you don't seem like a bad person.
 

From The Collector
BUCK: You're not fooling anybody, young lady 'cept maybe JD
CASEY: You're talking through your sock, Mister.
BUCK: If that boy had half a brain, he would see that you are a fine example of the gentler sex.
CASEY: Now, don't you go getting any ideas!
BUCK: For the love of...! Don't you know a helping hand when you see it? Hmm? You sit down. You let Buck talk to you for a second. I want you to consider this, okay? Maybe you should think about combing your hair. You got beauiful hair.  Now, what I'm suggesting is... is that you let JD in on your talents.
CASEY: I can rope, ride, and spit faster and farther than any man!
BUCK: Those are mighty admirable qualities, ma'am but, uh, JD, he might not be man enough to handle them.
CASEY: JD is more of a man than you'd ever...
BUCK: Now, you hush, now, little girl. Hush.   You could wipe off a little of that mud so he can see that pretty face, and that smile. Yeah! And, and have you heard of something-- It's called a dress.

From The Witess
JD: You know, I can do rope tricks, too. You want to see some?
VIRGINIA: Um, maybe later, JD
JD: Well you sure? I got it right here.
BUCK: Hey, Kids.
VIRGINIA: Hey, Buck!
BUCK: Hey.
VIRGINIA: How are you?
BUCK: I'm fine, Miss Virginia. Thank you kindly.
VIRGINIA: Me and Sugarplum were hoping that we'd see you on our ride today.
ELLIOT: Virginia... I need your help inside.
VIRGINIA: Yes, Papa.
BUCK: Ma'am.
JD: What are you trying to do to me, Buck?
BUCK: Hey, can I help it if I've got animal magnetism?
JD: Animal what?
BUCK: Animal magnetism. I read about it in a magazine. It's-it's-it's a power I've got no control over. Once women get a whiff of it What can I do?
JD: Take a bath? [JD stalks off]

ELLIOT: Mr. Wilmington... I know my daughter may seem very mature but perhaps you should keep company with people your own age.
BUCK: Sir.
ELLIOT [to an employee] : Keep an eye on him.
BUCK [To his horse]: Sometimes this animal magnetism, it's a curse.

[To Nathan]   You heard about this animal magnetism thing, haven't you? I mean, women-- they can smell it on you. Now, medically speaking if a man's got it, it's not his fault, right? I mean, it's more like a condition. It's... it's like a rash or an ailment. It won't ever go away, will it? It won't... will it?

MAUDE: Good-bye, Buck.
BUCK: Oh! Now, Ma'am, you have yourself a good trip.
MAUDE: Thank you. What's that smell?
BUCK: Smell?
MAUDE: Like animal, or something. [sniffing] P.U.! Well, it was nice meeting you.
[JD hands Maude some cash as she passes.]

From New Law:
JD: Good. Good. That's good. That's really good. Uh, Buck, hey, Buck. Are you, uh, thinking about sticking around?
BUCK: You couldn't drag me out of here with an 8-horse team.
JD: So, you're gonna go head-to-head with Bryce on this gun thing?
BUCK: JD, do you see that little filly sitting in the corner over there? That is the only person I plan on going head-to-head with.
JD: Oh, Buck, come on. You've been working on Millie for 3 months.
BUCK: Exactly. And in a few minutes, all that hard work is gonna pay off.

MILLIE: I don't know how you men drink so much beer and not feel it. I mean, I just had one and...my, my. Ha ha ha.ha ha ha.
BUCK: You're a delicate flower, Miss Millie. Some old smoky saloon is no place for you. What do you say we find us a nice soft haystack to watch the sunset from?
MILLIE: I know what goes on in haystacks.
BUCK: Why, I'd never take advantage of you.
MILLIE: Oh?
BUCK: Well, sometimes my darker side does get the best of me. now, will you excuse me for just one minute? Because nature is screaming out my name right now, ok? No peeking.

MILLIE: Buck...I never thought I'd see you again.
BUCK: Goodness, Miss Millie.
MILLIE: How foolish I've been, saving myself. Life is so fleeting. At any moment, someone can be taken away.
BUCK: That's true. You think we should go somewhere and talk about it?
MILLIE: Now, Buck.
BUCK: Mmm! Wait! Wait! Ok.
Sheriff catches them in the alley
BUCK:  Oh, you just don't do that to a man. Hey! Damn it! Could have caused me permanent damage here.

From Sins of the Past:
BUCK: Oh, morning, Luce.
LUCY: Buck. Gentlemen. How have you been, Buck? I've missed you.
BUCK: All due respect, doesn't look like you've been missing meals there, Lucy.
LUCY: Well, that happens when you're going to have a baby.
BUCK: Oh! Well, congratulations! Boys, can you raise your glasses here? Our sweet Lucy's gonna have a baby.
LUCY: Uh-huh.
JOSIAH: Congratulations.
LUCY: Same as you.
BUCK: As me? ha!
LUCY: You're the father, Buck.
JD: Hey, Buck and Lucy are having a baby!
LUCY: Yeah, and a wedding, too.
BUCK: What?!
LUCY: Oh. My pa's gonna insist on one, and you know how mad he gets.
EZRA: A wedding! Well! Someone should buy a round of drinks.
JOSIAH: The Lord blesses the union of 2 lovers. Lordy behold!
BUCK: No, no. This is nonsense. All right? It's nonsense. I'm not the father of that baby. I'm not the father of that baby, and I'm not about to get married. No. No-o.
LUCY: [crying]
NATHAN: Well, Buck, looks like it's time to get yourself a ring and a new suit.
BUCK: [laughing nervously as his hand with the drink in it shakes]

[Lucy enters bathhouse where Buck is in a tub.]
LUCY: Hi, Buck.
BUCK: Lucy, what are you doin' in here? You're gonna have to leave.
LUCY: That's not what you said last time we were in here together.
BUCK: Well, that was a long time ago.
LUCY: Oh, Buck. Ha ha. I've seen all that. You certainly don't have to be modest in front of me, of all people.
BUCK: I think I do now. Lucy, we got to talk.
LUCY: Oh, don't I know it? There are a thousand things to discuss. The honeymoon, where we'll live--
BUCK: Lucy--
LUCY: And baby names. I like Randolph for a boy and Eudora for a girl. Ha ha ha. What do you think?
BUCK: What I think is that you can't see or hear anymore. There isn't gonna be a place to live. There isn't gonna be a honeymoon because there isn't gonna be a wedding. Ok!
[Goes out door, then returns] And one other thing. No little girl of mine is gonna be named Eudora.

[Gets Josiah's advice]
BUCK: Ohh.
JOSIAH: Go on in, Brother Buck. Sanctuary's always available for the troubled soul.
BUCK: I'm not troubled. What makes you think I'm troubled?
JOSIAH: Ok. Forget I said it.
BUCK: Say, Josiah?
JOSIAH: Yep.
BUCK: Have you ever thought about marriage?
JOSIAH: Well... animals mate, plants grow, flowers bloom. Seems to be the natural order of things.
BUCK: Maybe that's it. It oughta be natural, right? It's not something that's forced on you.
JOSIAH: Exactly. Then again... could be the fates sendin' you a blessin'.
BUCK: Yeah?
JOSIAH: Fine wife, delights of a child. Most men would live and die for that.
BUCK: Yeah. Well, tell me this. How do I know that Lucy is the one for me? I mean, I hardly know her.
JOSIAH: Seems to me that'd be a good starting point if you want it.
BUCK: Well, what do you mean?
JOSIAH: Get to know the girl.

[Buck hears laughing as he approaches Lucy's house]
LUCY: Buck? Uh... Buck, honey.
BUCK: I think you can drop the "honey" part.
LUCY: Oh, Buck, I'm sorry. I sure never wanted you to find out about Luther this way.
BUCK: Luther?
LUTHER: What?
BUCK: Is that your name, boy?
LUTHER: Well, yeah.
BUCK: Luther?
LUCY: You--you gotta understand, Buck.
BUCK: What do I gotta understand?
LUCY: Luther's the father of my baby. But he wouldn't admit it, so I... well, I made a play for you, Buck.
BUCK: Oh, wait. Are you tellin' me I was second choice to--to--to him?
LUCY: No, I, no, it was only a play to force his hand.
BUCK: So I wasn't, uh, any choice at all?
LUTHER: Listen, Mister, I love her, and we're getting married. And besides, I couldn't stand by and watch her marry another man 'cause 'cause she's, you know... she's, you know, and I'm...
BUCK: What you, uh?
LUTHER: Well, not you.
BUCK: You sure got a way with words there, Luther. You certainly do.

Colorful and/or ungrammatical Buck:
[to Imala after his outburst in the pilot]
"That's it!  Now, what in the blue blazes we doing here, then risking our lives for a chunk of gold that wouldn't even fill a tooth?  And why would I die for you?"

[To Wikes come looking for the women in Working Girls]:
All I see is a pig on a horse.

Show of force? Why, hell, that's my middle name.  (The Collector)

Men like Royal, they don't walk away from the poker table just 'cause you call them.  (The Collector)

Seems to me a man'd remember an ugly, one-eyed coward six-and-a-half-foot tall with no hair and a sissy hat.  (The Collector)

[To Jock Steele in Nemesis]  You picked a bad time. Mister, you're like a piece of something a man can't scrape off the bottom of his boot. Did you follow us?

Marshal, you have more guts than they could hang on a fence. And they're probably gonna pin a medal on you.  (New Law)

I'm not wearin' no badge neither.  (New Law)

What in the hell kind of sissy rig is that?  (The Trial)

RAFE:  Oh, yeah. Sure. Red devil's probably out there right now just waiting to jump us.
BUCK:  Oh, he'll probably just jump you. Indians always go for the loudest ones first.  (Manhunt)

SOME BASIC BUCK
[to Sgt. Cocoran]
How about it, Johnny Reb? I bet you never thought your boss would go loco on you.

[To Lucas & cohorts as he sashays past them and sits down behind them]
Well, howdy... boys. (ODOW)

Buck , Olivia &  His Watch

BUCK: H-have you seen my watch anywhere?
NATHAN: Your watch?
BUCK: Yeah. Are you sure?
NATHAN: Yeah.
BUCK: It's, uh, silver.
NATHAN:  I know what it looks like. Maybe you left it back at the saloon. Don't worry about it.
BUCK: That watch was a family heirloom-- my grandfather's. Meant everything to me.
NATHAN: Well, you'll get it back just like you got your boots.
BUCK: Ah, well, I knew where they were.

BUCK:  So, what are we boys? Damn baby-sitters now?
JD: The language around the child...
BUCK: That is not a child. That... is a hellion.
NATHAN: He's just a little emotional. He lost his favorite pocket watch.
BUCK: Father's watch an heirloom. It was my grandpa's watch.
JD: I saw you win that watch in a poker game last week.
BUCK: Oh, well, it still had sentimental value.
JD: Yeah.
 

[Wickes' henchman: You can move, or you can live.
BUCK [after Nathan cold cocks him]: That was going to be a tough choice. (Working Girls)

[About Billy] He's probably just hiding. I was pretty good at that myself when I was a boy. (The Witness)

VIN [to Josiah]: You ready now?
JOSIAH: Whatever comes, but I ain't doing nothing that's going to keep me out of town on Saturday the 14th.
BUCK: And why is that, Josiah?
JOSIAH: I'm just telling you... just telling you. And I don't aim to be killed before then, either.
BUCK: I'm riding with him.  (The Collector)

BUCK: Men like Royal, they don't walk away from the poker table just 'cause you call them.  (The Collector)

BUCK: ( laughing ) It was pathetic. I swear, I saw you with my own two eyes, Josiah.
JD: Looked like a... like a lovesick calf.
BUCK: He was like mooing or something. I don't... What was that sound he was making?
JD: "It's... it's me! It's me! Josiah!"
BUCK: "It's me, Josiah."
JOSIAH: Who wants to fight?
JD: "It's me. Josiah." "Josiah Sanchez."
BUCK: Whoa!
JOSIAH: Who wants to fight?!
BUCK: Josiah, nobody wants to fight you now.
JOSIAH: Well, then, shut up!
BUCK: Tell you what. A man ought to be able to take a little joke.  (The Collector)

RAFE: Oh, yeah. Sure. Red devil's probably out there right now just waiting to jump us.
BUCK: Oh, he'll probably just jump you. Indians always go for the loudest ones first.  (Manhunt)
 

BUCK & EZRA
VIN: The others are by the barn. Tophat's got to be in the bunkhouse. What we need is a diversion.
BUCK: I got an old stick of dynamite in my saddlebag.
CHRIS: Can you light that up close the bunkhouse?
BUCK: I'll give it a try.
EZRA: Just don't blow up the son of a bitch who's wearing my coat.  (The Collector)
 

BUCK & CHRIS (To & About):

C: Afternoon, Buck. Interrupt something?
B:  Chris.
Hi. Hey, you old war dog! Good to see you, buddy. How you doing?
C:  Easy, big fella. Folks will talk.
[Buck laughs.]
C:  Got a job. You interested?
B:  Yeah? What's it pay?
C:  Five dollars.
B:  A day? A week?
C:  I know it ain't much.
B:  How are the odds?
C: Three... four to one.
B:  It's just our kind of fight. How'd you know I was here?
C:  I make a point of knowing who's in town. Live longer that way.
Interruption by Vin appearing at Chris's shoulder.  "He with us?"
B:  Is he with you?
There going to be ladies where you're going?
C:  I imagine so.
B:  Then imagine I'm in.

[Discussing the paucity of men for the village fight]:  "Looks like you're going to have to shoot straight for once, old pard."

[After the soldiers retreat]  "We whupped 'em good, old pard. "

Hell, they ain't gonna stop running till they hit the Rio Grande.

Hey, pard. We got him.

From One Day Out West:
[In barbershop - the razor incident]
CHRIS: My past is my own, Buck. It's not somethin' you can use for conversation.
BUCK: She asked.
CHRIS: Guess you didn't hear me.
BUCK:   I hear ya, and I'm sorry, Chris but what the hell am I supposed to say when people ask?
CHRIS:  Nothin'.

[Next Chris, Buck scene after barbershop]
BUCK:  Well, you can count me out 'cause if I decide to commit suicide I'll do it myself, all right? Come on, girl!
CHRIS [to Vin - and ever so unfairly]: Like I said, we can always count on Buck.

[And of course, they can.]
BUCK: Good thing I came along.
CHRIS: Good thing you did.

From Working Girls:
BUCK: So, what do you think, Chris?
CHRIS: About what?
BUCK: About the ladies.
CHRIS: It's a problem.
BUCK: Yeah.
CHRIS: But you can handle it.
BUCK: Me?
CHRIS: You're the one who picked the fight.
BUCK: You're the one that carried the girl away.
CHRIS: You started it, you finish it.
BUCK: Fine. Then, the ladies stay. Need more women around here anyway.

From Safecracker
BUCK: Well, good thing I play dead so well but to tell you the truth, Chris I think I could've handled that situation myself.
CHRIS: I should've shot you while I had the chance.

From The Collector:
BUCK: I hear we got trouble.
CHRIS: Would you be interested in partaking in a little show of force?
BUCK: Show of force? Why, hell, that's my middle name.

From Inmate 78:
BUCK:  Oh, hey there, Mrs. Travis. Would you care to, uh, to join us?
MARY: I was just wondering if you'd heard anything from Mr. Larabee.
BUCK: Not yet, ma'am.
MARY: Well, shouldn't we be concerned? He said he'd be gone three days at the most. It's been ten.
BUCK: Look, don't worry about Chris, okay? I know him, and, uh, he just likes to cut loose every once in a while, you know, unwind.
JD: Ten days is a bit longer than usual, though, right?
BUCK: Well, we can't all go riding out every time somebody decides to have a little fun. You'd be looking for me half the time if that were the case.
NATHAN: Yeah but it do seem kind of strange we ain't heard from him yet.
BUCK: He's just blowing off steam in some little brothel... ...some little hotel right now.
MARY: How reassuring.
BUCK: Believe you me, wherever old Chris is I tell you right now, he's having a real good time.

JOSIAH: Jericho, huh? Don't look like no promised land to me.
VIN: Probably another dead end.
BUCK: Maybe not.
EZRA: What, in heaven's name, would induce anyone to stay here?
BUCK: You don't know Chris.
 

From Nemesis:
CHRIS: You out for a ride?
BUCK: Heard you were going back.
CHRIS: No need for you to come along.
BUCK: Yes, sir, there is. I'm the man that talked you into staying down in Mexico that night... and I keep thinking if we'd have just rode back...
CHRIS: I could have come back alone. You didn't keep me there. Let it go.
BUCK: Sarah was my friend, too, Chris and I think you know how I felt about that boy of yours. So, if it's all the same I think I'll ride this one out with you.
CHRIS: Suit yourself.

BUCK: Who is this guy? [Jock Steele]
CHRIS: Nobody. Leave him.
BUCK: You mind if I just shoot him?

From The Trial:
CHRIS: Oh, I think we can manage a fair fight. What do you say, boys?
BUCK: Oh, I love a fair fight.

From Manhunt:
CHRIS: Where you headed?
EZRA: Thought we'd go after a murderer since no one else seems interested.
CHRIS: That's a load of bull.
BUCK: Look, Chris we don't think Vin is right for this particular job. It's not personal.
CHRIS: Well, it sounds personal to me, Buck.

BUCK & VIN:
BUCK: How well do you know him, Vin?
VIN: I don't but I know his people, and I know how they think. Guessing he had a reason for doing what he did.
BUCK: I saw the look in that girl's eyes when we found her. She was scared out of her wits. I can't think of any reason that would make that right.

BUCK & EZRA:
From Manhunt
EZRA: Well, I personally don't see the need for this ruse. Chris puts a tad more trust in Vin's instincts than I do.
BUCK: I'll tell you the one thing we don't need... is this whole town getting all riled up 'cause Chanu is gone. It could get ugly. And I do hate ugly.
EZRA: Well, then... brace yourself, Buck, 'cause here comes ugly and we best shut him up before he gets out of hand.

BUCK & JD
From The Pilot
JD: Whoa. I hear you fellas are headed for a fight. My name is JD Dunne, and I can ride. Whoa. And I can shoot.
[Horse reacts to gunfire and throws JD]
EZRA: And he can fly.
[JD falls into horse trough.]
BUCK: And he can swim, too.

JD: One... two... three... four... five...
(Buck cocks the hammer on his revolver.)
BUCK:  Six. If you're trying to stay hid, it's best to remove your hat.

BUCK: Hey, boys! Look what I found. Come on.
JD: I was covering you... making sure you weren't walking into an ambush.

JD:  I can help. If you give me a chance I am ready to fight.
B:  You think you're ready, boy? Let me guess... you learned to ride in prep school... then you read some... dimestore novel about Kit Carson... got you all fired up. Figured you'd come out west and try your hand as a gunfighter. Is that about right?
[Note - the correct term is "dime novel" (penny dreadful in England) because of the price.  Dimestores [or Five and Dimes] came on the scene much later.  However, whether Dale misread his line or the writer miswrote it, "dimestore novel"  is forever a staple of Mag7 fan fic.]

JD:  [to Chris]  He'd be dead right now if it weren't for me.
B: You damn near shot my ear off.
JD: But I didn't, did I? I saved your life twice. Twice!
B: You think I couldn't handle him?
JD: I just want to prove to you that I can...
B:  Don't ever use the butt of your gun as a weapon. You keep smacking it around before long, it's going to misfire. And another thing. Get rid of this damn, stupid hat!

CHRIS: All right. Are you all right?
JD: Yeah.  Oh, it's not my blood.
B: You're damn lucky it isn't your blood, son. Now, you don't fan your guns. That spoils your aim. One good shot is better than six bad ones.
JD: Anything else?
B: No, that's about it for now.

B:  Wasn't like them dimestore novels, was it?
JD: I didn't count on seeing their eyes.
B: Well, if you can see their eyes then you're too close. And you never break cover. You stand in front of bullets, you're likely to die.
JD: You done, Buck?

CHRIS: Why don't you slow down a little bit, son?
JD: What in the hell gives you the right to tell me what to do?!
[Chris walks away]
B: He had a son once. Never had a chance to see him grow up, though. He lost that boy-- and his wife-- in a fire and that burned half the soul out of that man.

JD: My hands are shaking so bad, Buck I can barely hang on.
B: Good.
JD: Good?
B: Yeah, good. Means your juices are flowin'. Fear keeps you sharp, kid.
JD: Hey, Buck?
B: Yeah.
JD: You're full of crap.
B:  [laughing] You just figuring that out now?

B: How do you like the wild west now, kid?
JD: You think you got me pegged, don't you Buck? Rich kid, had it all. Yeah, I lived in a big mansion. My mother was a chambermaid. Never knew my father. They made me a stableboy and I taught myself how to ride.
JD: Mama died last year. She'd saved a little money. Wanted me to go to college. It wasn't enough.
B: Life's tough, huh? And then you die.

[After taking the saber for JD, probably thinks he's dying.]
"Hey, kid... do me a favor. Get yourself a real hat."  [Hands JD his hat.]
" Never did get to spend any time with those fine ladies."

B: Hey, kid... If you're not going to wear that hat, then I'll take it back.
JD: Buck!  But you look awful.
B: Well, son, it's damn near impossible. Ooh. You riding with us?
JD: Try and keep me away. Yee-haw!
B: Don't make me laugh, kid.

From One Day Out West:

B:  What is wrong with you, son? Bartender said you signed on as sheriff?
JD:  I'm getting enough money to be called "mister."
LUCAS JAMES: Hope they paid you in advance.
JD and BUCK: Shut up!
B: Are you out of your mind? You're going to get killed, okay? Then I'll have to say something nice at your funeral.
JD: You mean you're capable?
B: Yeah, I'm capable.
JD: I'll be fine, Buck. Look what I found. Navy colt .44.
B: Don't do that, okay? It can come loose and then it could come out. Put the gun down. You're going to be sheriff?
JD: Yep.
B: You're going to be sheriff? Yeah. You're going to walk tall.
JD: That's right.
B: Do something for me right now would you. Just get rid of the hat.
JD: No, Bat Masterson wears a hat just like this one, Buck.
B: You're no Bat. You're not... you're not anything like any of them.
JD:  Well, I still ain't changing my hat.
B:  Ok. That's fine. I'm just trying to give you a few pointers, ok, so you don't get yourself killed. All right, now, I was a lawman once. You don't respect that? That's fine. I understand.
JD: Hey. A badge.
B: A badge. Imagine that. A badge. In a jail. Isn't that something? Do me a favor. Just, uh, pin it behind your lapel. That way you're not advertising in case someone is looking to shoot you. You okay? You all right, down there? Don't get up. That's good. Sheriff. You have a good day now, Sheriff. I'll find my own way out.

From Working Girls:

B: Now, when we get there I don't want you busting in like some buckin' bronco, young man. I want you to be real nice to these ladies and get to know 'em.
JD: Buck, how many times do I got to tell you I already know what to do.
B: I'm just trying to help-- it being your first time and all.
JD: You must have wax in your ears. This ain't my first. I've had a whole gaggle of women.
B: Well, sure you have, JD just trying to make sure that little gaggle of yours didn't miss a spot. Hold on, boy. Well, there it is. Wickes town.

B: The man's first time. Brings back fond memories.
BARTENDER: It does.
B: You know, come to think of it the first time was not good.
BARTENDER: Usually ain't.
B: I think I'd better follow him and make sure he doesn't trip over it on the way to her tent. See ya.

JD: So then Buck starts swinging at this bull of a man like there's no tomorrow.
B: More like a pig of a man if you ask me.
JOSIAH: Sounds like a righteous fight.
JD: He almost got us killed. What the hell got into you, Buck?
B: Nothing. You just don't treat women like that.
JD: I agree you don't treat women like that, but now we can't go back to Wickes town. I really think that Emily and I could have had something. I mean, she said that she might not even charge me.

[Buck and Josiah laugh.]

JD: What? It's true.
B: Yeah.
JOSIAH: That's too bad, JD, 'cause from where I sit, that'd be right charitable of her.
JD: What do you know, preacher? Women never meant nothing to you.
JOSIAH: What I don't know about women ain't worth knowing. Anyway-- the important thing to remember is the act of love should be a truly spiritual experience.
JD: "Spiritual"?
JOSIAH: Mm-hmm. See... Adam and Eve, they got thrown out of paradise for doing it. So when we do it, it better be right so their loss was not in vain.
B: Amen to that, brother.
JD: Is there anyone alive who doesn't feel obliged to give me advice?

JD: You know, there is more to those ladies than meets the eye but hell if I can figure it out.
B: Welcome to manhood, kid.

From Inmate 78:
JD: Your sense of humor's about as good as your last hand, Buck. Let's see, uh, a three-legged dog walks into a saloon, right? And walks right up to the bartender and he says "I'm looking for the man who shot my paw."  Oh, come on.
NATHAN: It ain't funny.
JD: You don't get it, the dog has got three paws...
NATHAN: I do get it; it ain't funny.
BUCK: JD, you couldn't tell a joke if your life depended on it.
JD: What are you talking about Buck? That's a funny joke, and I told it great. You just don't get it...Mrs. Travis
BUCK: Did you laugh? I didn't laugh
 

From The Collector:
JD: That girl gets on my nerves, Buck. Hell, she ain't even hardly a girl.
B: JD, if you were any blinder you'd be running into walls.

B: Looks like we got ourselves another lovesick calf on our hands.
JD: Hey, you don't know nothin', Buck.
B: Are you going to stand there and deny it? Chris, you should've seen his face when he saw that little girl.
JD: You think you know everything.

From The Witness:

JD: Maybe you should try your animal maggotism on him, Buck.
B: It's animal magnetism, boy. And you can plainly see it only works on the ladies.

From New Law:
JD: Psst! Hey, Buck!
BUCK: You hold on.
JD: Buck! Hey!
BUCK: Never been so happy to see anyone in my life.
JD: I got halfway out of town and I heard all the gunfire.
BUCK: You gotta go find the others. You gotta bring them back now.
JD: Hey, I ain't no kid that needs to run for his big brothers. I can handle this. You wait here.
BUCK: Don't try to be a hero now, JD JD JD!
 

TO BE CONTINUED

If you are under 18 or are offended by sexual content --
stay away from the stories marked **

 

WHAT'S NEW?  Been here before and just want to see what's been added?  What story links?  What features? Check WHAT'S NEW?

Death Dogs Magnificent 7 Fan Fiction HOME	MASTER STORY LIST by TITLE	MASTER STORY LIST  by AUTHOR
MISC. SITE FEATURES	CATEGORY LISTS	FANFIC LISTED BY CHARACTER
Characterization,  Canon & Fanon	COMEDY Full stories with a comic slant	ALL SEVEN  (or maybe just most).
Who are we? About Our Story Categories	Just Plain Funny JPF PWP's, Punchlines &  One-trick Ponies	CHRIS LARABEE Fan Fiction
Fan Fiction Selection Rules & the Exceptions that Prove Them	ACTION	VIN TANNER Fan Fiction
Our Mixed (& Mixed Up) Feelings about Mag7 SLASH	H/C	EZRA STANDISH Fan Fiction
For All Intensive Purposes FanFic Pet Peeves	AU's, X-OVERS & ADAPTATIONS	BUCK WILMINGTON  Fan Fiction
Mag7 FAN FICTION Written by The Death Dog Site Owners	DEATH FICS  & TEAR-JERKERS	JD DUNNE Fan Fiction
Starke Raven's Study of Ezra's Speech The Gambler Speaks	NOVELLAS & SERIALS	JOSIAH SANCHEZ Fan Fiction
Time Tracker's Vin Speak The Tracker Talks	SUBLIMELY SURREAL Satire & Off-Center Stories	NATHAN JACKSON Fan Fiction
MidnightBlue's  Buck Speak The Big Dog	Just Plain Sexy--JPS Sexy PWP's	HET Romance
MidnightBlue's  JD Speak The Kid	CCC Character,  Contemplation & Commentary	HOLIDAYS [More mush allowed.]
Coming eventually The Leader	CHILDREN & ANIMALS	THE KIDDIE CORRAL Kid Fic AU's
Tunnel Dweller's Preacher's Pulpit
Tunnel Dweller's From Slave to Surgeon	2004 DEATH DOGS MAGNIFICENT CANON STORYTELLING AWARDS	Magnificent  LINKS to the Seven